Month: February 2017

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”—Mahatma Gandhi

I’ve shared before that my family was recently presented with the possibility for some dramatic changes in our lives.  Change can be unsettling.  Change can also be welcomed.  Change can be expected, but then not come.  In our case, this change does not appear to be happening.

Change can be wanted or unwanted.  There are things in life that will frustrate us and we would love to change.  I have a list of things I would like to change.  On the other hand, there are things I really like about where I am.  So, I accept where I am.  I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that is going to change is me.

When we are in circumstances that we want to change, but they don’t change, it can be frustrating.  We want things to change, but they are not about to.  Maybe, it is for the best.  Probably, it is for the best.  Yes, it is for the best.  At the very least, it is what it is.

It is easy to list the things that we don’t like about our circumstances.  It is more difficult to take inventory of what we most appreciate—a gratitude inventory.  When we do, however, we realize just how great an opportunity we have.  The things we don’t like, toxic or just minor discomforts, aren’t going away.  Our negativity must.  Circumstances may remain the same, but we don’t have to.

So, when change doesn’t come, and we get to stay where we are.  Embrace the opportunity.  Don’t expect things to change.  Be the change.  Change your attitude.  Remember: your attitude shapes your attitude. 

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”—Carol Burnett

“When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you’re making a commitment and difference in that person’s life.  Encouragement really does make a difference.”—Zig Ziglar

Have you ever been discouraged?  (Of course, you have.)  Everyone is discouraged from time to time.  How is one to deal with discouragement?

One approach to overcoming discouragement is to remember: “This too shall pass.”  And of course, whatever it is, it shall, indeed, pass.  The question is: “When?”  A day?  A week?  A month?  A year?  There is no guarantee when the source of our discouragement shall pass.  So, we just grin and bear it?

The alternative is to confront discouragement—to counter it with a good dose of encouragement.  We overcome discouragement with encouragement.  When we encourage others, we let a bit of light into our own lives.  It only takes a little bit of light to begin to brighten a room.

When I am most discouraged, I have found the words of Zig Ziglar to be true.  Share a bit of encouragement and it returns like a boomerang.

With social media, there are ample opportunities to extend encouragement.  Rather than participate in the barrage of negativity that social media has become.  Choose to be positive.  Share only what is positive and uplifting.  Post affirming comments and avoid conflict.

In the past, particularly when I was not in such a great place emotionally, I could easily get sucked into a charged discussion over the most mundane of topics.  I am learning.

Not all too long ago, it occurred to me that my negativity was not only keeping me down, but was bring down others, as well.  So, I started be intentional with my posts.  I began to search for and share uplifting quotes.  These not only lifted my spirits, but they began to have an effect on others.  For a while, it might have seemed that I was quite upbeat despite being rather dark times.  Soon, though, the darkness was driven out and light remained.

In times when we are struggling, it is useful to surround ourselves with positive people.  Such people help to lift our spirits.  On the contrary, negative people serve only to keep us down.

In addition to sharing positive quotes and affirmations, we can encourage others (and thereby ourselves) by setting time aside for others.  It is important, however, that such time be spent with people who share our desire to be positive and to be encouraged.  Otherwise, such times become destructive.  It serves no one any benefit to sit around it what amounts to a “pity party”.  We are “the average of the five people we spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn).  The average of negatives is still negative.  Whatever the effect that positive people have on us, it is quickly negated by cynical, contentious persons.  Avoid these like the plague.

Make conscious efforts to be encouraging.  Smile and greet others with thoughts of “grace and peace.”  Be cheerful—even when it is forced.  It may require effort, but this initial effort will be amplified in return.  Let others know you care, and they will care in return.  And, should they choose to remain miserable, you will still benefit from the effect you will have on yourself.

Times can be quite hard, but they don’t have to be so painful.

“Everyone has the potential to become an encourager.  You don’t have to be rich.  You don’t have to be a genius.  You don’t have to have it all together.  All you have to do is care about people and initiate.”—John C. Maxwell

“If you want to be an Olympic champion, then choose your parents wisely.”—Per Olaf Åstrand

There is a tendency to blame our parents for…well…everything.  Truth be told, we owe more gratitude towards our parents than they often receive.  If we are not succeeding, perhaps we are looking at what they didn’t give us rather than what they did.

I’ve been (re)reading The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance by David Epstein.  A fascinating read (especially for an exercise physiologist, like myself).  The chapter I am currently reading discusses the results of the “Talent of Trainability” (including the results of studies such as the 1992 HERITAGE—Health, Risk factors, exercise Training And Genetics—Family Study).  Discussed is the reality of “high responders” and “low responders” to training.  I will leave it to the reader to read the book for him- or herself.  My point today is not to discuss this research, per se.  Rather, it struck me that in exercise we have to do what works for us.  We also have to understand that we all have inherent talents.  Our level of success in anything we do is individualized.

I teach my children that “Can’t never did anything.”  This does not, however, mean that “can” will always be easy.  Nor does it mean that one will be able to do something at the same level as another.  We all start from different points and respond differently to “training.”   There is (are) certainly something(s) we can do better than others.

I doubt there is a person who never dreamed of being exceptional at something—sports, art, music, academics, etc.  Unfortunately, we too often dream of things that are less aligned with our natural giftedness.  As a result, we get frustrated.  Now, this is not to say we shouldn’t dream (Rudy Ruetigger of the movie Rudy comes to mind).  We have to realize, however, that some things are not going to come easy sometimes.  Remember, though, some people who perform better at the onset may not improve nearly as much as we potentially can.  So, don’t be easily discouraged.

Dream practically.  Set your goals, however, that are “not reasonable by normal expectations” (Coyte Cooper).  Dream bigger than you think you are.

My son has a friend who dreams of playing in the NBA.  The thing is, he is one of the smallest kids in the class.  (I find it a bit humorous that it is my son—one of the tallest in his class—who is wrestling, while his friend—whose father is a high school wrestling coach, by the way—is playing basketball.)  As long as both boys are willing to work hard in their respective sports, who should try to derail their dreams?  For my son’s friend, he likely has a long road to the NBA.  I might suggest that he didn’t pick his parents wisely, but who knows?

There may come a point in the pursuit of our dreams that we realize that we “picked the wrong parents”.  If the passion remains, keep pursuing.  If the passion is waning, perhaps a change of goals is warranted.

If you are not succeeding, it is by no means cause to blame your parents.  We, alone, are responsible for our lack of success.  (Feel free to thank your parents for their contribution to your success, however.)  There are countless things at which I am not very good.  There are, however, things that I am quite good at.  Do I pursue the things for which I lack a predisposition?  I can, but the effort is probably misapplied.  Better that I pursue that for which I have some level of giftedness.  That said, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a goal to our own standards rather than “world-class” standards.

Whatever you choose to do, give it 100% effort one-hundred percent of the time.  Nothing less.  Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  Carpe momento!

Grace and peace.

Last in my series of four mantras is “grace and peace”.  This was introduced to me as Paul’s standard greeting in his letters which became books of the Bible.  Grace was like the standard Gentile (Greek) greeting.  Peace or shalom was the standard Jewish greeting.  In addressing grace and peace to his audience, he wasn’t offering grace to the Gentiles and peace to the Jews.  Rather, it was a unifying statement—God’s grace and peace are freely offered to the Greek and the Jew.

As a mantra, this serves not at a greeting to my Christian friends, but as a reminder of how I am to approach others.  It reminds me to first offer grace and peace in every interaction and relationship (something I am not very good at doing).  Grace is from the Greek word caris.  It refers to unearned favor or a gift of blessing.  As the last phrase I write in my morning journal entry, this intended to set my mind on interacting with others from an initial vantage point of care and love.

This is perhaps the mantra that most easily escapes my mind.  Thus, it needs to be frequently refreshed.  I often find myself needing to pause and recite “grace and peace” to myself before proceeding.

“Grace and peace” is a mantra I must recite to myself before going into a difficult conversation.  Before I am about to face a trying person, I take a moment to just breathe deeply and let these words permeate my mind.  (Or should I say it is my intention to do so.  I would be dishonest in claiming that I always did this.  It is my goal, however.)

I am better for reciting this phrase—whether I allow it to fully take root or not.  In general, it tempers my attitude.  It is better than not beginning here.  I at least begin to overcome the initial inertia and begins to move me in a more positive direction.

Like the other mantras (“be your best today, be better tomorrow”, “I am third”, and “to God be the glory”), this needs to be repeated often to keep me on track.  Somedays require it more than others—as do some people (but, I suspect, there are those who are speaking “grace and peace” under their breath when they are encountering me).

“When you are spiritually connected, you are not looking for occasions to be offended, and you are not judging and labeling others. You are in a state of grace in which you know you are connected to God and thus free from the effects of anyone or anything external to yourself.”—Wayne Dyer

 

To God be the glory.

This is not so different from my mantra “I am third”.  It is central to my faith and, thus, why and how I live my life.  It is a reflection of my understanding of Purpose.  I believe that each of us has a role and a purpose that extends far beyond our human sight.  I believe that we must look beyond what we can see.  I believe in trusting where I am and where I am going.  I believe in my path.  I believe in the interconnectedness of all of us.  I believe that I cannot fully grasp what is happening right now, but that in time my path will be revealed.

“To God be the glory” also suggests that I do not have sole claim on my success.  I am here for a greater purpose than serving myself.  Our perceptions of God may differ, but Spiritually this is of no consequence.  We are here.  We are united in ways that are beyond our comprehension.  It is to this connectedness that attribute glory.

Spiritually, I claim no glory unto myself.  I can’t.  I am so dependent upon forces beyond myself and the influence of others to believe that I alone am responsible for whatever I might accomplish.

I need to remind myself of this.  Thus, “to God be the glory” is my mantra.  It is a reminder of who and why I am.

Carpe momento!

I am third.

One of my most treasured possessions is an autographed copy of Gale Sayer’s autobiography, I am Third.  I have read it countless times, and, yes, I still cry every time I watch the move, Brian’s Song.

The title of Sayer’s autobiography comes from a quote he saw on the desk of his track coach at Kansas.  The quote read: “My Lord is first, my friends are second, and I am third.”  (I prefer to state it as “family and friends” for the added emphasis on family, but the statement is something I have tried to live for as long as I have had the book—which is at least 40 years.)  This is the basis for my core values: faith, family, friends, growth, health, and impacting others.  “I am third” is an easy reminder to put others ahead of self.

There is a popular movement in Christianity which uses the phrase: “I am second”.  While I applaud their efforts and fully understand from where they are coming (i.e., God first), it is my opinion that the statement falls short (and perhaps it is more of a legal issue owing to copyright of the phrase “I am third”).  I trust that the implication of selfless is there—after all, love and sacrifice are central tenets to the faith.  We are taught, as Christians, that no greater love has a man than to lay down is life for another.  So, “I am second” or “I am third”, the general concept is present—selflessness.

I prefer “I am third” because it emphasizes that family, friends, and neighbors, come ahead of myself.  This runs a bit contrary to society’s view that you have to “look out for #1”.  Now, I accept the fact that one must take care of one’s self.  One cannot destroy one’s health and well-being and be of use to others, but there is a fine line here between selflessness and self-centeredness.  In an attitude of “I am third” and well-centered fitness, self-care is for the purposes of caring for others.  It is not an “I am first” attitude.

Living the mantra of “I am third” is not easy.  I fall far short of the target every day.  I can be well-meaning when I leave the house, but “I am third” doesn’t always make to the on-ramp to the highway to work.  It is a daily challenge.  It is a moment-to-moment challenge (or should I say “opportunity”).  Nevertheless, keeping this mantra running on a loop in my brain improves my chances of getting it right from time to time.

When I get frustrated and angry, I can always trace it back to my failure to live as “I am third”.  Sure, someone might be being a jerk, but it is because they are being a jerk to me that I get upset.  Things that others do that upset me are on me.  I choose to let them bother me.  Usually I am upset because I want things done differently.  It is a failure to be third.

I need that constant reminder that I am not the center of the Universe.  The old cliché phrase: “It’s not you.  It’s me.”, well, that’s sort of spot on.  So, I start my day with the hope that, today, I will finally live as “I am third”.

Carpe momento!

While a mantra may be a statement or rhythm that is repeated in meditation, it is basically a statement or phrase that is repeated frequently.  For me, my personal mantras are not phrase I repeat over and over as much as phrases that have emerged from my core values and daily growth efforts.  There are four specific ones that I will share over the course of the next four days.  These are statements that have just become, over time, the natural punctuation to my morning journal writing.  These are:

“Be your best today; be better tomorrow.”

“I am third.”

“To God be the glory.”

“Grace and peace.”

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

This statement is not new to the regular reader of this blog.  Rarely does this not appear in a posting.  Thus, it should be obvious that this has become a central theme in my life.  (Remember, I am mostly writing to myself each day.)  I need to remind myself of this each day as much as I need to instill the thought in the minds of my children.

This statement really emerged from the parenting of my son.  As the reader knows, he is active in sports and, like most every 11-year-old boy, deals with his own insecurities and self-confidence.  I am trying to teach him a work ethic.  I have little expectation for him in sports other than for him to give 100% one-hundred percent of the time (and, honestly, if he exceeds 90% most of the time, I am content—it is the desire to give 100% that I am most after at this stage).  And it has been my great pleasure to watch him grow in this area.

But, for me, I also need to be reminded to “give 100% one-hundred percent of the time”.  I have had my share of frustrations in my work and struggles with motivation.  Growth, however, has become a necessity in my life.  The concept of “well-centered fitness” centers on movement toward an asymptote of growth Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially.  As I have often quoted Vince Lombardi: “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”  This is my desire, and, thus, “be your best today; be better tomorrow” is my mantra.

In my teaching, as well as my writing, parenting, relationships, etc., I want to be constantly improving—and, Lord knows, I have much room for improvement.  In the process of growth, I don’t want to let up.  While perfection is not possible, I must at least try.  My students deserve my best.  There is no “phoning it in”.  I want to “leave it all in this room” when I conclude a lecture.  From term-to-term, I want to be a better professor.  The moment I lose this desire, my career is through.

Life necessitates growth.  If we are not growing, we are dying.  “Be your best today” does not ask one to “be the best today”.  It only requires that we be our best.  One’s best should be ever changing—getting better.

Now, of course, in many areas, our “best” today might not be the same as our “best” in the past.  It is unrealistic to think that physically, for example, we might remain as fast or as strong or as fit as we were in our youthful years.  This does not preclude one for being his or her “best today”.  Opportunity and the aging process will impact this.  (Though I would argue vehemently against the notion that age justifies our decline.  While a level of physical decline is inevitable, we have much control over our rate of decline.  It is a matter of desire—and, of course, “opportunity cost”.)

When it comes to our Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social dimensions, we must seek to “be our best today; be better tomorrow”.  I hope I live this message, and pass it on to the lives I impact.

Carpe momento!

As a physiologist, I am well aware of the “fight-or-flight” response to a perceived threat.  Such stimuli initiate a response of the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system (i.e., an adrenalin response).  Surely, the reader has experienced this acute stress response more than a time or two.  It is a very real physiological mechanism to cope with potential threats to our survival.  Most of us, however, will not experience such legitimate threats on our life.  We will, nonetheless, experience acute stress throughout our lives.  While the body will generate an automatic response, mentally, we have a choice in how we respond.

Our response will largely be situational and related to our preparedness.  In other words, our sense that we are capable or incapable will, more or less, dictate our response.  While our personal safety may depend upon our ability to fight or to escape, under less life-threatening scenarios, I propose that we have the option of flight-or-flight.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)

As in the acute stress response, one has the option of flight, i.e., fleeing and running away.  One can avoid confrontation or the source of conflict or stress.  In some situations, this might be appropriate.  Just get away.

In other situations—perhaps most situations—the better option is flight, i.e., soaring.  Stressful, difficult situations are our opportunity to excel.  It is our opportunity to show the world the stuff of which we are made.

When things get hard, don’t run.  Soar.  Show the world you are confident and capable.

Challenges are opportunities to show what your “best” is.  They are opportunities for greatness.  Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed.  Trust in yourself.  Trust in the process.

Prepare yourself for flight.  This is your growth plan (call it a “flight plan”, if you will).  Daily preparation via journaling, meditation, exercise, etc. will strengthen your wings.  It is up to you to execute.

Whatever today may bring, be your best; be better tomorrow!  Carpe momento!

“The best way to detoxify is to stop putting toxic things into the body and depend upon its own mechanisms.”–Andrew Weil

I see all sorts of articles telling me to detoxify my body.  Drink this.  Eat that.  With regards to these, I believe Dr. Weil is correct.  More so, however, I am concerned with emotional toxicity. 

Just as detoxifying our body begins with not putting in toxic things, we must avoid toxic people and toxic environments! 

A recent article in Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201608/8-common-traits-the-toxic-people-in-your-life) identified eight characteristics of toxic people:

1. Toxic people are manipulative.
2. They are judgmental.
3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
4. They don’t apologize. 
5. They are inconsistent.
6. They make you prove yourself to them.
7. They make you defend yourself.
8. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.

You don’t need people like this in your life.  Get rid of them.  If you can’t get rid of them (e.g., you can’t just change your job), detoxify.  Purge their effects.

Your growth habits become your emotional liver.  These filter the damaging effects of the toxic people and maintain your emotional health.

If you can avoid toxic people, by all means do so.  This is certainly not possible one 100% of the time.  So, you need to filter them.  Often one toxic person is easy enough to contend with.  Multiple toxic people are like a cancer and far more devastating.  The first step is to assess your current situation.  Toxic people/environments will generally not change.  So, the question is: Do you change or do you change environments? Chances are you can’t change environments (at least immediately).  So, changing yourself is, perhaps, the best option.  Now, I know, the question in your head is: “Wait a minute.  They are the toxic ones.  Why do I have to change?”  Why?  Because they won’t, and you are not changing to suit them.  You must change your approach for you.  In other words, this is an “opportunity” to grow.  The following are some random thoughts on what you can do (some I do regularly and others I know I perhaps should—and, for full disclosure, I am learning how to deal with toxic situations):

1. Find the group or persons in the environment and meet regularly to focus on uplifting and encouraging one another.
2. Up your journaling skills—start your day with positive, energizing thoughts.
3. Encourage others.
4. Find your Mastermind group and/or mentors.
5. Consider the “opportunities” that are presented in your situation, rather than dwelling on these as burdens or challenges.
6. Clear the clutter in your work space and home environments—don’t add to the turmoil in the environment.
7. Allow time in the day to escape and take a “productive pause”.
8. Surround yourself with cheer—let light invade the darkness.
9. Schedule time for exercise.
10. Schedule a daily “15-minute Check-In” with your spouse, partner, or another close relationship to share and debrief—don’t carry the frustrations alone.

So, before you consider a physical cleanse and drink some bizarre concoction, cleanse yourself emotionally.  It will do much more for your health.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

“The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.”—Tony Robbins

The Emotional dimension is the cornerstone of well-centered fitness.  It is built upon a foundation of Spiritual and Physical wellness and supports the Intellectual and Social dimensions.  The Emotional dimension, thus, is influenced by and affects the other dimensions.  It is also perhaps the most fragile of the dimensions.

Consider the effort that we put into our morning routine.  We may spend an hour or more every morning journaling, reading, exercising, etc. only to have our positive attitude washed away by a careless driver who cuts us off.  Therefore, maintaining our Emotional well-centeredness is a constant challenge.

Amidst the chaos of the day we must be vigilant to guard our emotional state.  We must begin with a positive attitude and regularly hit the “refresh” button.  Unguarded, we are sure to be affected by the toxicity and negativity that surrounds us.

As the dimensions of our well-centered fitness are interconnected, we must consider each of these in our efforts to be positive and encouraged.  Exercise, meditation, prayer, reflection, reading, and the other morning activities of a “well-centered” individual set the course.  Nonetheless, we must take steps to remain positive throughout the day.

Our “environment of excellence” (Jim Harshaw) is critical to maintaining our emotional status.  The physical environment of excellence will include a clutter-free home, car, and work space.  We must surround ourselves with people who uplift and encourage.  Negative people are toxic and suck the life out of anyone.  Music, pictures, and cheerful colors brighten our space.  We must make every effort to remove negativity from our environment.

Remember, our attitude shapes our attitude.  Likewise, our environment is what we choose it to be.  Our emotional state is also a choice.  That’s right.  We cannot blame anyone or anything for our lousy attitude.  If you get knocked from a positive trajectory, right the course.  Do something to get back on track.

Driving is my emotional nemesis.  Two hours of intentional effort in the morning can be destroyed before I even get on the on ramp to the highway.  I am embarrassed to admit it, but I am known to lose my cool—my well-centeredness—when driving (admittedly, it is more the norm than the exception).  The choice is mine, however, whether I allow myself to continue a negative course or get myself quickly back on course.  Key is to not get deflected in the first place.

How can we protect our emotional state?

–Productive pause—Take time throughout the day to relax, meditate, collect your thoughts, etc.

–Music—Listen to upbeat, positive music throughout the day.

–Mastermind/mentors—Surround yourself with positive people.

–Humor—Laugh it off.  Don’t let people or situations get to you.

–Exercise—Sweat out your frustrations.

–Read—Read motivating books.

–Socialize—Seek out friends who are supportive and encouraging.

–Journal—Start the day with positive thoughts and goals.

—Carpe momento—Take care to enjoy the moment and consider your circumstances to be “opportunities” rather than burdens or challenges.

–Scroll—Don’t linger on negative social media.  Focus on the positive.

Emotional well-centeredness is the keystone.  The keystone supports the surrounding structure.  Additionally, it gains its stability from the surrounding stones—i.e., the other dimensions (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, and Social).  Together they form a solid structure.

“It’s so important to realize that every time you get upset, it drains your emotional energy. Losing your cool makes you tired. Getting angry a lot messes with your health.”—Joyce Meyer