Month: March 2018

“Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another.”—Plato

Lately, this nation has been focused on the harm that one can do to another.  We tend to take a rather myopic view—seeing the evil acts themselves, but failing to look at the underlying causes.  Albert Einstein said, “The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”  Haile Selassie said, “Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”  Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”  The common theme, here, is: do good.

Change in this world is not going to come through legislation or restricting behavior.  Change will come from the good done by those with the will to care.  Plato said that “not every man can do good to another.”  Perhaps.  Personally, I believe these are very few.  Rather, there is a lack of will to do good.  The majority of us have the capacity to do good.  Thus, we should do all the good of which we are capable.

It is the capacity to do good that will defeat the capacity to do evil.  The decision is whether to act or not.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”—Plato

Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  I find this to be true.  People will either lift you up or bring your down.  The choice is ours.  Plato is correct.  People either grow you or they stunt your growth.

Averages are a funny thing.  One outlier can skew the distribution and affect the average.  That one negative friend you cling to brings your “average” down, no matter how many positive friends you have.  Likewise, if you find yourself in an unescapably toxic environment, find that one very positive outlier who can bring your up—to fertilize your soil, so to speak.

Be the positive one in the group.  Seek to be only encouraging and supportive.  It will do wonders for the people around you—and you.

There is truth to what Jim Rohn said, but he leaves one factor out of the equation—you (me).  To say that one is “the average of the five” neglects our own self-influence and one’s influence on others.  It removes us from personal responsibility for our state of “well-centeredness”.  We can and must strive to elevate our Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-being above those around us.  Certainly, we should, as well, seek those who will pull us up rather than bring us down.

An important thing to ask ourselves is: “Am I having a positive or negative effect on others’ averages?”  Remember, we are also one of the five with whom someone else is spend their most time with.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Technically, the U.S. is a straight up mix of Aristocracy, Timocracy, Oligarchy, and Democracy (with each “higher form” ideally restraining the “lower form”, as one can confirm by the Constitution which originally called for an appointed President and Senate). In other words, the U.S. government is an attempt at creating a model Republic).”—Thomas DeMichele (http://factmyth.com/factoids/the-united-states-of-america-is-a-democracy/)

The Preamble to the Constitution reads: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

There have been a lot of comments recently about what “democracy” means.  So, I decided to go back and review some of the civics lessons I learned as a child (lessons that seem to neglected lately).  While the terminology varies from one to another, we are a “Constitutional (Democratic) Republic”—a “model Republic”.

The question I have been considering is “why?”  For all its frustrations, it is an effective form of government.  It is only effective, however, to the extent we participate.  In other words, if we choose not to lead, we are subject to those we yield control.  Ultimately, a Republic is a government of responsibility.  As a citizen, whether, one holds elected office or merely exercises one’s opportunity to vote (or not), one decides the fate of one’s community.  Each is responsible to look out not only for his or her own benefit, but one must also consider the effect of one’s actions on the society as a whole.  A Republic should seek to balance wisdom and will.

I think often of the “Tragedy of the Commons”, the essay by Garrett Hardin written in the late ‘60s.  It could easily have been titled “Tragedy of the Republic”.  A Republic functions best when its citizens give as the take.  It is most successful when the least amount of government oversight is required.  When we act as community, we succeed together.

We cannot legislate behavior.  We must govern Spiritually—that is, with the understanding the meaningfulness and purpose of life and the knowledge that the whole of society is greater than self.  Government—of any type—fails when it is driven by self-interest.  A true Republic seeks the welfare of all.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Life ain’t easy. But, at the end of the day, if you can look in the mirror and respect yourself, and people can tell you that you handled yourself with grace and honesty, it is a good day.

I wrote the above in the aftermath of my business closing in 2014.  It came back to me recently, so I have taken that as a cue to take pause and consider it.

It was a dark time when I wrote this.  I was having feelings of failure and of having let down a lot of people—my family, my athletes, the athletes’ parents, and, of course, my employees.  I had to take a good long look at myself and evaluate who I have been and who had I become during that period of time.  At times, I disappointed myself and others.  Overall, I did my best.

Our lives are not evaluated as whether we succeeded or failed.  Are lives are measured by what we do with the hand we are dealt.  Every day is a decision—to act with grace and honest or not.  This is integrity.  This is character.  The choice is one that we alone can make.

We can blame society.  We can blame our upbringing.  We can blame our education (or lack thereof).  We can blame our circumstances.  In the light of day, however, responsibility for our actions fall wholly on the one in the mirror.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Ron is a slight kid—maybe 100 pounds wet—with longer hair that nearly always hid is face.  Today, was like any other day.  He had been bullied unceasingly at school, where he was, otherwise, alone and received only average scores and little attention from his teachers—teachers who seemed clueless to the abuse he took on a regular basis.  As he walked into his house and passed his father who offered no welcome, he muttered under his breath, “I wish I had never been born.”

The next day was more of the same.  He lost count of the number of times he was bumped and pushed in the hallway or his books had been knocked from his hands.  He just wanted to get through the day.  At lunch, a couple of football players walked by and gave him a shove.  The biggest one grabbed his pudding and said, “Thanks, Rhonda.”  Very clever.  “I hope you choke on it, fat jerk”, he thought as he ate what was left of his school lunch.  More of the same until the final bell.  Another day.

As he lay on his bed, he wished somewhat aloud, “I wish I were dead.”  He dwelled on this thought for some time and considered how he might end all his troubles.

Days like these turned into weeks.  Finally, one afternoon, he went to his father’s gun locker and just stared at it for what felt like hours.  The key is in his father’s desk drawer.  He could….

The next day seemed worse than the rest.  The bullies were less active than usual, but the isolation was unbearable.  Friends he had had in elementary school seemed to move on in middle school.  Now, in high school, there seemed to be no one.

After school, he got the key to his father’s gun locker and took a .45 revolver and its clip.  He sat for much of the evening just staring at the gun.

The next day the football lineman was back for his dessert at lunch.  “I wonder how far a hunting knife would sink into his fat belly”, he thought.

After school, he pulled the revolver out from under his pillow and thought, “How many of those jerks could I hit before I shoot myself?”

The next day was more of the same.  He looked around and thought about how many guns he could sneak into the school.

Lunch was a bit different this day.  Sure, he sat alone in his usual corner and the football players took his dessert, but, on this day, Kyle, the 220 lb wrestling captain saw what the football players had done.  Coach had been talking to his wrestlers about how “team” extended beyond the wrestling room.  This seemed to be the exact scenario he was talking about.  Instead of sitting with his teammates, Jack and Rich, he by passed them and winked as they gave him a look of “what the…”.  As he sat down across from Ron, he exclaimed, “What a jerk!”  Ron just grunted and continued eating.

The next day, Kyle passed his buddies, again, and took a seat across from Ron.  And introduced himself.  Ron just looked up through his mop of hair with a puzzled look, muttered his name and kept eating.

The following day, Jack and Rich joined Kyle.  Kyle introduced Jack and Rich and said, “This is my friend, Ron.”  Ron managed a slight smile beneath the hair in his face.  For the first time in forever, Ron participated in some dialog at the lunch table—albeit mostly “yes” and “no” responses.

When the wrestlers joined him at lunch the next day, Ron looked different.  It was the hair.  He had combed it out of his out of his face.  Rich commented, “Hey, dude, have your seen our friend, Ron?  Little guy.  Looks like Cousin It from the Addams Family.”  Kyle looked at Rich.  “Addams Family?”  Ron gave a sustained smile and seemed to even laugh a bit.

That afternoon, Ron hung around after school.  He took a detour passed the wrestling room and glanced in the small window that was starting to become covered with steam.  Tony, one of the light weights, came out in the hall to get a drink.  He smiled at Ron and gave him a “’Sup?”  Ron smiled back.

As Ron started to walk away, Coach King, stepped out the door and called to him.  “Hey, you Ron?”  Ron nodded.  “I have heard good things about you.  The team needs a manager.  Interested?”

“Manager?  Me? Part of a team?”, thought Ron.  “I dunno.”

“The team could use your help”, replied the coach.  “If you are interested, practice starts at 3:40.”  Ron nodded and walked away smiling.

The next day, Ron was standing outside the wrestling room at 3:30–sharp.  The wrestlers smiled, one by one, as they filed into the room. Kyle gave him a gentle punch on the arm and told him, “Welcome to the team.”  Ron beamed at the sound of the word “team.”

That night, Ron. Pulled the gun from beneath his pillow and looked at it for a moment.  He put is back and went to ask his mother if he could get a haircut.  She obliged with a “’Bout time” and drove him to Sports Cuts.

The next day, the lunch table was filled with filled with wrestlers and a couple of cheerleaders.  The cheerleaders were sitting next to Ron and commenting on his new haircut.  As the football players walked by, Kyle called out to the big lineman, “Hey, Carl!  You’re lookin’ a little thin.  You want my puddin’?”  Carl gave him the finger and kept walking.  Ron smiled.  The rest of the table laughed and offered up their desserts, as well.  Most were cutting weight, anyhow, after all.

Ron went home smiling—something he had not done in a long while.  His grades were improving.  He was part of a team.  He felt included.

That night he returned the gun to his father’s locker.  He smiled.  As he tried to sleep that night he thought, “I wonder if coach would let me wrestle, next year?  They could use a little depth at 106….Now that I can eat my pudding.”

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

According to a Business Insider there are “7 ways life is harder for millennials than it was for their parents”*.  These include:

1. Millennials are less financially stable than previous generations were.

2. Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever.

3. Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.

4. Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.

5. Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.

6. Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.

7. Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.

In this final installment, I want to continue to address how I see that millennials have opportunities previous generations never had.

Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.  Apparently, Facebook, Twitter, etc. make us compare ourselves to others more now than in pre-social media generations.  Seemingly, the endless selfies and status updates are outside of our locus of control.  Nonsense!  One’s involvement in the “ever-present social media” is a personal choice.  We decide how much or how little time we spend on social media.  So, stop!

Social media can also connect people in ways they never could before.  Let’s use social media wisely.  Take an “I am third” approach to social media.

Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.  Now, this is unfortunate.  On top of college debt and lower earning, this makes life all the more difficult.  Again, there are choices to be made.  Wisdom suggests one should wait to be financially sound before starting a family.  If family happens, then sacrifice will be necessary.  If it is not too late, millennials can still learn and practice delayed gratification.

The millennial life is difficult.  Every generation had its difficulties.  The next generations will have theirs.  See these as opportunities not burdens.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

* http://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lives-compared-to-gen-x-baby-boomers-did-2018-3#millennials-are-shelling-out-more-on-childcare-than-previous-generations-were-7

 

According to a Business Insider there are “7 ways life is harder for millennials than it was for their parents”*.  These include:

1. Millennials are less financially stable than previous generations were.

2. Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever.

3. Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.

4. Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.

5. Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.

6. Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.

7. Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.

In this fifth installment, I want to continue to address how I see that millennials have opportunities previous generations never had.

Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.  Yeah, that is pretty much work.  Your employers expect you to “on”.

Now, I get it.  The author states that the “Ranstad’s 2014 Employee Engagement Study found that 45% of employees felt pressures to respond to email after work hours.”  Technology has, indeed, affected how we approach work.  It has also affected our social interaction (or lack, thereof).  Maybe if we put our smartphones down and not constantly check our emails we could choose to turn off from work—at least for some time in our off hours.  This is a matter of personal choice—and wisdom.  I trust that an employer e-mails an employee with the expectation that they will get to it when they can.  In the jobs where there is a critical need to be “on”, the boss or coworker will (should) call or text.

So, put down the phones.  Step away from the computer.  Choose to engage socially with others and disengage from work.

When at work, however, always be ‘on’.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

* http://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lives-compared-to-gen-x-baby-boomers-did-2018-3#millennials-are-shelling-out-more-on-childcare-than-previous-generations-were-7

 

According to a Business Insider there are “7 ways life is harder for millennials than it was for their parents”*.  These include:

1. Millennials are less financially stable than previous generations were.

2. Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever.

3. Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.

4. Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.

5. Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.

6. Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.

7. Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.

In this fourth installment, I continue to address how I see that millennials have opportunities previous generations never had.

Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.  Now, surely, this one is from The Onion? 

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  The author of the article stated that “social scientists call it the ‘paradox of choice.’”  In other words, the overwhelming number of choices provided by online dating make it more difficult to settle down to a relationship.  Perhaps, but I would say that, as a potential parent of a millennial, I was quite underwhelmed by the dating pool.   I met my wife when I was nearly forty on Match.com.  She was living in Virginia, and I was in Michigan.  I call it “fate”.  We would not have met were it not for the Internet (and quite a bit of kismet).  I don’t regret the lack of opportunities previous to meeting my wife.  Truth be told, there were plenty of opportunities, just not the right opportunity.

In my opinion, being overwhelmed by the dating pool is more a sign of not knowing for what one is looking.  In addition, given that so many millennial men are still living at home, perhaps, they should not be looking to settle down.

Divorce rates continue to climb.  Women are left to raise kids as single mother.  Maybe, just maybe, this is an indication that millennials are needing to wait to get married and start a family.  Women seem to be getting it.  Men?

If you are overwhelmed by the dating pool, pause and step back.  Get your priorities in order and decide what you want.  Then, when you got your stuff together (and are able to move out of your parents’ home), start to look for your soul mate.  Again, we are needing to learn delayed gratification.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

* http://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lives-compared-to-gen-x-baby-boomers-did-2018-3#millennials-are-shelling-out-more-on-childcare-than-previous-generations-were-7

 

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According to a Business Insider there are “7 ways life is harder for millennials than it was for their parents”*.  These include:

1. Millennials are less financially stable than previous generations were.

2. Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever.

3. Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.

4. Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.

5. Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.

6. Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.

7. Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.

In this third installment, I want to continue to put a positive twist on the article and address how I see that millennials have opportunities previous generations never had.

Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.  There are two sides to this.  On one hand, young men are showing wisdom in saving on the expenses of living at home and putting money aside for the future.  I hope this is the case.  On the other hand, men are not men but choosing to remain boys—not learning to live on there one (to cook, do laundry, to clean, to pay bills, etc.).  The former is noble.  The latter is childish.  The latter is also enabled by the parents.

There is nothing wrong with an adult living for a time with his (or her) parents.  I, in fact, moved back with my father and his wife for a time to get my finances in order.  (During which time, I paid rent and live a rather stoic life in order to pay off bills.  I also helped where I could around the house.)  When an adult moves back home after college, it must be purposeful and with the intent of preparing a better future—it must be as an adult.

The man who remains at home and allows his mother to do his laundry, clean his room, etc. while he plays on his PS4 and spends his money on “toys” is not a man but an adult child.  Parents who allow this do the man and society a disservice.

A man must learn to stand and care for himself—and, ultimately, others.  He cannot do this when he is being cared for by others.  At some time, the mother bird pushes you young from the nest.  They either fly or fall.

The opportunity to remain at home for a time should be perceived as a responsibility.  It is a time for the young man to master self-care and financial responsibility.  It is a time to lay the foundation for a stable financial future.  Remember, this is a time of great financial instability for young millennials.  Such times call for self-control and prudence.  What an opportunity to learn how to sacrifice and save—how to delay gratification.

The millennial’s parents, perhaps, had the opportunity to live loosely in their twenties and early thirties.  They may have been able to afford that new car and a single apartment—maybe even bought a hip new condo, but look where that got them.  It failed to teach a generation financial wisdom and to pass this ignorance on to their children.  Millennials are learning a lesson that will better prepare the next generation.

If you are a millennial living at home with your parents, only you can judge the one who looks back at you in the mirror.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento.

* http://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lives-compared-to-gen-x-baby-boomers-did-2018-3#millennials-are-shelling-out-more-on-childcare-than-previous-generations-were-7

 

According to a Business Insider there are “7 ways life is harder for millennials than it was for their parents”*.  These include:

1. Millennials are less financially stable than previous generations were.

2. Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever.

3. Millennial men are more likely to live at home with their parents than previous generations were.

4. Millennials are overwhelmed by the dating pool.

5. Millennials feel as if they have to be “always on” at work.

6. Millennials’ self-image erodes in the face of ever-present social media.

7. Millennials are shelling out more on childcare than previous generations were.

Over the next few posts, I want to address how I see that millennials have opportunities previous generations never had.

Millennials are saddled with student debt — but a college education is more necessary than ever. First, I believe this idea that “a college education is more necessary than ever” is false—or at least it should be.  Now, I am a college professor, so, perhaps, I should buy into the myth, but I am tenured—my job isn’t dependent upon enrollments (and my courses are nearly always near or above capacity).

I discussed, yesterday, how “millennials are less financially stable than previous generations.” This should give pause to anyone considering a college degree on borrowed money.

As parents, WE need to sacrifice for our children’s education.  WE need to save—and save a lot!

As prospective students, we need to understand that college costs money.  We need to sacrifice, as well.  We need to give up some things during high school—and certainly during college to pay the way to a degree.  It is called “delayed gratification”.  Knowing that we might need to borrow money means we will need to have a plan to pay it back.  This means we have to expect a number of years of sacrifice post-graduation.

Borrowing money for a degree that leads to financial instability is, frankly, stupid.  If you don’t want to be saddled with debt, don’t go into debt!

It is true that a college education has been growing increasingly expensive.  This is at least two-fold, in my opinion.  For one, “state schools” are nearly non-existent anymore.  States are funding very little now compared to previous generations.  Thus, the student is having to foot more of the bill.  Second, student and their parents are demanding more services of the institution.  This drives up administrative costs.  (Believe me, faculty salaries are not driving the rapidly rising cost of college!)  Private dorm rooms.  Greater selection in the dining hall.  Recreation facilities.  Financial aid.  Remedial studies.  Tutorial assistance.  Etc.  I believe that we are failing to adequately prepare students K through 12 for college and for careers that should not require college.  As a result, colleges are picking up the slack and this adds to the cost of the degree.  All these services require salaried employees for whom all students pay, whether they use the service or not.

Parents and students need to weight the cost of where they are choosing for the student to attend—relative to the degree that is being sought.  Have a plan and a purpose for college.  A diploma is just a piece of paper.  It is the education and opportunity for which one is paying.  Notice: “a college education is more necessary than ever”.  It does not say “a degree is more necessary than ever”.

Perhaps, this should give prospective college students pause before applying for college.  They need to ask the questions: Can I afford college, now?  Would I be better served working for a few years (perhaps join the military) before starting college?  How can I save money for college?  What am I willing to sacrifice for a college education?  How will the degree I desire serve me financially after I graduate?  What is the most cost effective route to my desired career?  Would I be better served going to community college for two years before transferring to a four-year school?  Am I truly prepared for college? Etc.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento.

* http://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-lives-compared-to-gen-x-baby-boomers-did-2018-3#millennials-are-shelling-out-m