Month: June 2022

LESSON 5–Dress for Success: Setting a Standard

Wrong or right, you will be judged by your appearance. Is this right? Of course not, but it is a fact of life. Don’t judge others by their appearance but realize that how you present yourself reflects your personality and character. Don’t leave room for others to misjudge you.

Always dress for success. Don’t buy into fashion trends and so-called “statements.” Be yourself and present the best you to others. A college roommate used to say that “anyone can be in fashion, but it takes an individual to be in style.” If you look around at your peers, you will see a lot of “individuals” dressing the same. Fashion trends change like the wind. Today, it seems as though dressing in rags is all the rage. Go into a clothing store, and you can pay a premium price for worn out clothes. Guys are dressing like they pulled their clothes out of a laundry hamper and ladies are wearing clothes that reveal more and more. Tomorrow, the pendulum may swing the other way.

Lead the way by developing your own style. Be an individual but understand that how you dress will reflect to others a perception of who and what you are. If the statement: “You have only one chance to make a first impression” is true, then you want to be careful of that first impression. What image are you trying to create with your dress?

Your dress should reveal to the world that you are confident, intelligent, hard-working, and disciplined. Whether going to school, work, church, or play, you should always present your best. People will treat you differently. Again, I am not giving you justification for treating one person better than another, but, rather, I am cautioning you of the ways of the world. Stereotypes and prejudices abound. Don’t give others cause to misjudge you.

Realize also that your attitude (or how others perceive your attitude) will be reflected in your dress, as well. Consider for a moment how one carries himself or herself when dressed in their finest clothes versus their old “work in the yard” clothes. When dressed up, we are naturally more poised and refined. We talk differently. We interact with others differently—and others interact differently with us. Case in point: When I first moved to New York to work in a corporate fitness center, I noticed that when I wore a tie to work (I was not required to) people on the subway seemed to treat me with greater respect and courtesy than if I were dressed in jeans. I noticed also that I caught the eyes of the founders of the company when they came for a visit, as well. Even now, I choose to teach in a shirt and tie, because the students are more attentive and participate more than if I dress more casually. Why are we becoming a more casual nation? I don’t know. I am not qualified to draw conclusions on how it is affecting us—I’ll leave this to the sociologists—, but I would wager to guess we are paying a price. As we see an informalization of our schools and workplaces, I am sure there is a resultant decline in productivity and effectiveness.

As a child, I didn’t always appreciate having to dress up for what seemed like every occasion. Somewhere along the line, though, this changed. Now I feel out of place in certain environments if I am underdressed. I remember one occasion when I visited your aunt Kathy, and, not having expected to go to church with them, felt ashamed to be presenting myself before God in kakis and a polo-style shirt. Today, that would be the higher end of dress in most churches. As a child, it was always my “Sunday best”. Today, “Sunday best” is often from the hamper-looking shorts and a T-shirt.

I know that the belief is that God wants us to come as we are—and he does. But “come as you are” refers to our spiritual state, not how we are dressed. Yes, God looks on the heart and not the outward appearance. When I went to that small West Virginia church with Aunt Kathy and her family, God didn’t care that I was dressed the way I was dressed. He cared whether I came to him with a humble spirit, prepared to worship. He cared whether I had a repentant heart and love for my neighbor. I could come to church dressed right from the cover of GQ and it would not impress God. So, if you go God in rags with a committed worshipful attitude, he will welcome you. Reality is that he would welcome you even if your attitude was bad. I am also not saying that one’s dress is necessarily a true reflection of their attitude. We are cautioned, after all, not to show favoritism to the “man who comes into (our) meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes (James 2:2). God looks on the heart, shouldn’t we?

I keep referring to dress for church because it is more arguable than other situations and exemplifies that our appearance reflects our attitude. Yes, some might argue that I am being judgmental, but this is my point. People will judge you by your appearance. So, what does your dress say about you??

When your mother and I got married and moved to new community, we attended numerous congregations before settling on one fellowship with whom to worship. In visiting churches, I have noticed that there is an inverse relationship between formality and people’s behavior. In one particularly informal worship service, we noticed that people were routinely late to services, talkative during worship, and outright disrespectful—imagine, for example, not one but six people behind you opening cellophane-wrapped candies simultaneously. I know that churches are becoming increasingly informal to encourage people to attend, but, if you ask why people must be encouraged or why it must be easy for people to attend, then I think my point is made.

I know how one’s appearance in the classroom is perceived to the teacher, because I experience it every day of every term. When a student sits in the front row and looks attentive, then I perceive them to be a better student—that is, a more dedicated student—than the one slouched in the back row. I try to be unbiased and not let this affect my evaluation of the student, but reality is that I am probably going to be more favorable to the student who presents himself or herself more favorably. Fortunately, I try to get to know my students and judge them on their effort, not their appearance. I can’t say that all teachers (or employers/prospective employers) do the same. For example, I had a student in several of my exercise science classes to whom my first reaction was that this guy is a dumb muscle-head because he showed up the first day of class in a tight sleeveless shirt with tattoos and his ball cap on backwards. Reality: he was one of the brightest students I have ever had and proved himself time and again to be a hard worker. Fortunately, he knew when to dress for the occasion. I visited him on the job in his internship, and he looked downright professional in his tie and doctor’s lab coat. My bad—I misjudged him, initially. But the point is made—people do judge you by your appearance. Set the standard. Always present yourself your best for the situation at hand.

Keep yourself well-groomed and practice proper hygiene. Brush your teeth and use deodorant. Exercise and be fit. Wash and press your clothes. Wear your hair however you like but keep it neat. Sit and walk with good posture. Look at people when you talk to them. Use proper English (or whatever language you might need to speak). Enunciate and avoid slang (e.g., don’t call your professor “Dude”, it isn’t received very well). Be courteous. Be neat in your appearance and dress appropriate for the occasion.

When you buy clothes, buy quality—the best you can afford. You may at times in your life have to buy second-hand. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Better to buy quality used clothes than buy cheap clothes that wear out rapidly.

Buy practical clothes. Avoid the latest fashion. Classical styles stay in fashion longer.

Buy clothes that mix and match. Your wardrobe will be more versatile. Your mother will tease me that I get my clothes from Garanimals^Ò (the children’s clothing manufacturer that uses animal tags to help children learn to match their clothes), because just about everything matches. It is effective, though. I have had students comment that I never wear the same outfit or ask if a tie—that I have worn for years—is new.

Fashion has changed a bit over the years. The principle of “two plains and a fancy”, that your grandfather taught me, can now be violated to some extent, but overall, still rings true. I have found that a few carefully selected suits or chinos can go a long way, if you have a sizeable collection of ties. Women have practiced the art of accessorizing for generations. For a woman, a business suit and a blouse can be an infinite number of different outfits by wearing different scarves and jewelry. A young professional on a budget can buy a couple quality suits and white shirts and change the whole look with a different tie. Consider that just three suits, three shirts, and three ties give you twenty-seven possible combinations (3 x 3 x 3 = 27). Now, if you are a professional who wears a suit to work every day, you might consider a few more suits so that you are not running to the dry cleaners too often, and a few more shirts (particularly of varying color and style) might be warranted. But, if you are on a tight budget, consider spending your money on ties—colorful ties that catch the eye and can match with all (or nearly all) of your shirts and suits. Two more ties in the example above and you have forty-five possible combinations (3 x 3 x 5 = 45). Get the picture?

Growing up there was no “men’s work” and “women’s work”. Your grandmother, thankfully, taught me to cook, clean, do the dishes, and yes, even do my own laundry. I also took care of the dog, mowed the lawn, took out the trash, and did other chores around the house. Too many men (and women) are raised by mothers who do too much for them. They leave the nest unable to tend to the most basic chores as washing and folding clothes. Ironing? Forget about it! Mend a sock or sew on a button? Are you kidding? Yet, these are essential skills that everyone should have. Learn these and use them.

Keep your clothes clean and presentable. Learn to use an iron and press your shirts and keep nice creases in your pants. You will be much more impressive. I am quite pleased and thankful that my wife, your mother, can tell me that her friends are jealous when she tells them what I do around the house. Few men are willing to mow their own grass or do basic household repairs (Though, I admit I should not do plumbing! I’ve tried, but usually with disastrous results.), let alone do dishes and laundry. So, complain now when I ask you to do these things, but remember this when you see the joy and satisfaction in your wife’s eyes when you do these things for her!

The cover does identify the book. I will always tell you not to judge the book by its cover, but how you consciously present yourself will make an impression on others. Make that first impression a good one. Make an impact on people with your presence. Of course, the character on the inside will always show forth, but people may not always have the opportunity to see the “real you”. Make sure it shows from the start. We will talk later about your physical appearance, but keep yourself fit, clean, and dressed for success. You will be thankful that you did. I trust that you will be a man of integrity, but make sure that it is presented on the outside, as well. Set the standard not only in how you dress, but in your actions, as well.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 4–Finding Your Purpose

To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.—James Allen, As A Man Thinketh, p. 32.

      You have a unique, divine Purpose on this earth. You are not an accident. You are not a random occurrence. God knew you in the beginning, and he has a Plan for you. You exist for a reason. Seek, find, and live your Purpose.

You may discover your Purpose early in life, or you might spend much of your lifetime finding it. Be attuned to God, those of us who love you, and your own instincts. Do this and you will find and fulfill your purpose.

Each of us is gifted with unique talents and circumstances that prepare us for our Purpose. Your Purpose may be seemingly great or apparently small. Know, however, that whatever it may appear, it is important. The world would never be the same without you. You have a Purpose! You are an integral piece to the puzzle of man. God made no mistake in creating you. He makes nothing without significance. No life is insignificant. Remember this as you pursue your Purpose.

Some men and women will rise to the ranks of celebrity or historical greatness. Others live lives of humble circumstance—believing that their lives affect no one. Know this, that even a simple, anonymous man can affect a multitude. If given a choice, choice historical greatness over celebrity. Celebrity is short-lived. Today’s star is tomorrow’s has-been. Great men and women leave a legacy. Great men and women live on for perpetuity in the hearts and souls of the lives they affect. Great men and women fulfill their Purpose.

You may accomplish things of great historical significance in your lifetime. Chances are you will do great things of lesser consequence. Know this, however, that what you do affects someone. You may never realize the effect that you have on people. You may quietly affect people, or your impact may resonate like a trumpet blast heard ‘round the world. Your Purpose, great or small, is critical. Seek to affect history.

I have often had personal dreams of greatness. I have been frequently frustrated by the fact that I have not acquired great wealth or fame. All of us dream of being famous and wanting of nothing. Reality is that few ever become a household name or amass great fortune. For me, I have resolved to be an integral part of another’s greatness. As a college professor, I am in an ideal position to accomplish this. I have numerous students comment after graduation on the affect that I have had in their academic careers—and lives. Such students inspire me. Yes, I have the opportunity to affect lives. What a great and awesome Purpose. A handful of my students have gone on to medical school. Who can say that a life may one day be saved, or a disease cured, because I helped awaken an interest in anatomy or pathophysiology in a student and encouraged their success? That life may be saved or that disease cured not by a student I directly affected, but by some several degrees removed. There is validity to the concept of “six degrees of separation.” This is far better than single-handed accomplishment. To affect lives in such a way that you affect others exponentially if far greater than a shooting star that burns brightly for a moment and fades into distant memory. Seek to affect lives. Fulfill your Purpose and, in so doing, affect the multitudes.

Follow the course that God has prepared for you. Seek his will, and your desires will follow. You cannot run from your Purpose. You may try, but undoubtedly, it will catch up with you. Once you have discovered your Purpose, pursue it zealously. Let it consume you and become your passion. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might (Ephesians 9:10). Be strong and unwavering. Be a man of character and integrity. Do not let selfishness or worldly desires detour you from the path that your Purpose has set. Rather, set your heart on those things from above and pursue the desires of your soul.

Purpose is a strange thing. For many, it brings personal satisfaction and material reward. For some, it bears tremendous burden and pain. For most, it is a seemingly indistinguishable existence. Whatever your lot, accept it, for it is for a Purpose greater than your own. Your Purpose was determined from the beginning that God’s Plan might be fulfilled.

Many might argue that in some life there is no value. Our society argues on the right of a woman to abort an unwanted fetus. People argue on the rights of an individual to end his or her own life or withdraw life-support from another. We look at a child, confined to a wheelchair, void of any ability to communicate, and questions the worth of such a life. We value some life over others, foolishly believing that one is more significant than another. Son, don’t fall into this trap. Know that in everyone lies the seed of an acorn that bears our destiny. A life may seem insignificant on the surface. It may have no impact on your directly, but for someone it is critical to their Purpose. We are all intimately woven together, defining one another; affecting one another. In the previous lesson, I wrote of the reasons for trials and difficulties in our lives. Know that these play a role in our Purpose. For many noble beings, suffering for the strengthening of others is their Purpose. Value the life of these more than the shooting stars. Take care to recognize the role that these individuals play in developing your character and defining your Purpose.

Fortunately, man is, overall, a compassionate being. Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom that leaves the weak and frail for dead, man values life. We seek to sustain life. This is evidence of the spirit in man that separates him from the beast. It is this spirit in man—one’s soul—that holds the key to one’s Purpose. Let this be your guide.

Kayaking and whitewater rafting have shown me great lessons about life. Briefly, the water, like our purpose, carries us forward to our ultimate destination. The river is at times calm and gentle flowing. At other times it is a torrent, flowing violently downstream. Either can be a pleasant experience when approached correctly. When life—like the river—becomes rough, approach with caution. Rely on your guide to help you negotiate the rapids. Listen carefully you your guide and follow their instructions.

You will have many guides in life. They may be in the form of a spiritual leader, or they may be the inner voice of consciousness—call it your guardian angel, intuition, or collective conscience. Whatever the form or venue, they will speak to your and guide you to your Purpose.

Rely on your guide. There will be times when your “gut” speaks to your heart. You will know whether you are traveling down the right path. Rely on intuition. Experience has shown me that trusting in your instinct will reveal your path.

Go to God often in prayer. Let his Word be your guide. Ultimately, he is the guiding force in your life. He determined your Purpose from the beginning. Working all things together for good in your life and will finish what he has started.

Some will try to detour you from your Purpose. There will be deceiving voices that will distract you. They will tell you anything to keep you from your Purpose. Do not listen to the voices of fear and doubt. A strong and wise man rigorously excludes fear and doubt from his thoughts. James Allen wrote: “They who have no central purpose in their life fall easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pityings, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins (though by a different route), to failure, unhappiness, and loss, for weakness cannot persist in a power-evolving universe” (As A Man Thinketh, p. 30).

Be a man of integrity and character. Seek discipline and self-control. Be selfless and consider the welfare of others. Place God first in your life and family and friends second. Understand that others, likewise, have a Purpose—encourage them. Seek good will and peace. Trust in God and trust in yourself. Do not be discouraged. Do not grow weary of well-doing. Listen to your inner voice. Consider the advice of others. Learn, experience, and reflect. Be aware of and develop your talents. Share your spiritual gifts and nurture the gifts and talents of others. Drive out fear and doubt. Do not worry excessively and align your thoughts with success. Do these things and you will fulfill your Purpose.

I can’t help but feel in my heart that my greatest Purpose is in you—that the greatest gift I can give to the world is a son who has integrity and compassion. My imperfect father passed on many life lessons to me that have served me well. Though I, too, am imperfect and have not always done that which I know to do, I have an opportunity in you to sow seeds of greatness—to prepare you for what I know is a great Purpose.

Son, you may become a powerful figure in the world, or you may be a man of common standing. It doesn’t matter, as long as you find and fulfill your Purpose—that you dedicate your life to the service of others. Be a godly man. Be humble and wise. Love God and love your neighbor. Do harm to no one. Think big. Determine your Purpose and set out to accomplish it. Let no one stand in your way. As the oak sleeps in the acorn, so, too, does greatness slumber in you. It is your responsibility to awaken it.

Know that the fulfillment of your Purpose will require effort. It will require sacrifice. Your Purpose is your birthright. It was determined from the beginning. Claim it.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 3–Why You Will Face Trials and Difficulties in Your Life

“The tests of life are to make, not break us. Trouble may demolish a man’s business but build up his character. The blow at the outward man may be the greatest blessing to the inner man. If God, then, puts or permits anything hard in our lives, be sure that the real peril, the real trouble, is that we shall lose if we flinch or rebel.”–M. D. Babcock

I have given a great deal of thought to why we see so much suffering in the world. One can easily conclude that God is simply a vengeful, merciless god, who takes great pleasure in the suffering of man, or that God simply does not exist, and suffering is just a part of life. I can accept neither conclusion. I accept that there is a Creator god, who has brought all things into being for a Purpose. I find it difficult to accept that we just happened. As a professor of anatomy and physiology (of exercise physiology), I marvel at the intricacies of the human organism and have concluded that the odds are better at winning the lottery than they are that you happened by chance. I am not arguing against the scientific evidence for evolution—creation and the evolutionary record are not mutually exclusive, but this is a separate topic for another time. I am simply professing my faith that there is undoubtedly a Creator, and our Creator allows difficulties and suffering to befall us for our benefit. God can remove all our suffering, but to what avail? No, it is a blessing when we are tried. Our weakness is revealed in our trials, and we grow stronger as a result—or it for the strengthening of others.

Know that you suffer for your good and the good of others. This does not, however, imply that you should take pleasure in another’s suffering or refuse to offer comfort when you are able. To the contrary, you should seek to ease the burden of those who are suffering. After all, it may be for your edification that this person may be suffering. It is through our own suffering that our strength of character is forged. It is through the suffering of others that our hearts are softened, and we learn compassion.

Even if we took God out of the picture, I would argue that there is much to be gained from the trials and difficulties in our lives. Nietzsche wrote “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” If we make a mistake, and it does not cause our death, we learn from it and (hopefully) do not repeat the mistake—although sometimes we are a little slow learning. If we can learn from the mistakes of others, how much better this is than repeating another’s folly. It does not take a faith in God to recognize that we are refined in the fiery furnace of affliction. Just as gold and silver are purified in the fire of the smith’s crucible, we are formed by the suffering that surrounds our lives.

Viktor Frankl wrote that “despair is suffering without meaning.” It is when we lack a sense of Purpose in our lives that our trials and difficulties afflict us. When we lack a definitive reason for living, pain bares no fruit. If we look for the meaning in the suffering around us, the world is filled with hope.

When I think of this, I can’t help but recall the death of my great-aunt Glady. Her husband, uncle Chuck, her brother—your great-grandfather Armstrong, and her sister-in-law—great-grandma Armstrong had passed, and she was alone except for her nieces and nephews. She was living alone in a nursing home and death was slow in coming. Eventually, she was hospitalized, and her passing was imminent. Unlike your great-grandma, whose sudden death a few months before surprised the family, Glady died a prolonged and painful death. Those of us who visited her in the hospital prayed her suffering would end. Each labored breath we hoped would be her last. However, each time we thought she had emptied her lungs for the last time, she would gasp and continue to battle the grip of death. For four weeks, she held on to life. We asked ourselves repeatedly how one could hold on in such apparent agony. Her month-long stay in the hospital, however, brought together your grandfather and his two sisters—Aunt Linda and Aunt Sherry—who had grown apart over the years. Physical and emotional separation was bridged by the prolonged death of a relative. Siblings, who had let petty differences and life’s cares separate them, were brought together as they had never been. As a witness to this miracle, I saw three lives (no, four—as I will never be the same either) changed forever by the suffering of another. The bond of siblings was renewed at the bedside of a beloved aunt. I am certain that the way my great-aunt died was with great purpose. It was indeed painful to watch her suffer as she did, but it was such a delight to watch my father and my two dear aunts come together. Had Glady died a sudden death, the three siblings would probably never have spent any significant time together and would have drifted farther apart. Instead, they are closer than ever.

I heard a heartwarming sermon by Dr. Tom Tewell at the 5^th Avenue Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, NYC. He related the story of a jilted bride in Boston who, rather than lose a $6500 deposit for her wedding supper, paid the balance, and had a feast. She did not invite her intended wedding guests. Rather, she opened the doors to the area homeless. For one meal, the pain of all parties was eased. The $13,000 could not have been better spent.

I tend to not be such a compassionate person. (A trait, Liam, I hope I do not pass on to you.) I admit that I have great difficulty with complainers and excuse-makers. I tend to recall the Eagles tune, “Get Over It”, from their Hell Freezes Over CD. When I see people in desperate situations or suffering from conditions that are no fault of their own, however, I am deeply moved. I am thankful that I am so blessed. I have not suffered in my life. While I have had my ups and downs and have felt pain (both emotional and physical), I cannot recall any event in my life that I would label as “suffering”. Some have said that I am in denial—perhaps. But I am not convinced that suffering is a part of life. I, rather, believe that it is a state of mind. When faced with difficult circumstances, you have two choices. You can cry “Oh, woe is me!” or you can count it a blessing—”That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” It does not surprise me that the apostle Paul wrote that you should “consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2, NIV). The circumstances in your life mold your character. You are a product of all the joy and all the heartache in your lives. Every event prepares you to fulfill your Purpose. So, when you are tried, face the trial joyfully. Look for the lesson to be learned. Remember that the storm will pass.

I wish I could tell you that life will always be easy, but it won’t. You will be teased and picked on. You will be laughed at. You will be doubted. You will be hurt both emotionally and physically. You will be let down by the ones you love and who love you—including me. Your road will at times be rocky, and the journey will be long. But, be encouraged. Keep your faith alive and trust in God and yourself. You will get through whatever the difficulty is. When you do—when the sun rises the morning after—you will be a better person for it. Orison Swett Marden wrote: “To live without trial is to die but half a man” (He Can Who Thinks He Can, p. 153).

Do not bring suffering upon yourself. Do not bring it upon others. Do not take pleasure in the suffering of others. Rather, offer support to even your worst enemy. For it is written: “if your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you” (Proverbs 25:21-22, NIV). If you have ever done anything mean to another person and had them return your unkindness with kindness, you know that this proverb is saying. In so doing, you rob the individual of any twisted satisfaction that they get from doing evil. And you walk away feeling good.

I used to teach with a friend named Charlie. We used to run together in the mornings before work. Charlie is the most positive and upbeat person I know. I have never heard him say a damaging word against anyone. I appreciate this in Charlie, but it sometimes drove me nuts!! I tend to vent my frustration. So, when we were running, I’d often complain about this person or that. Charlie’s response was always positive—”Maybe ‘so-and-so’ is just having a bad day.” or “Have you tried… (holding a mirror up that always revealed the attitude problems in me).” I never heard a harsh word from Charlie. It upset me, because deep down I knew that my negativism—no matter the circumstances provoking it—was wrong. I still (and probably always will) battle with this. In a later lesson, we’ll talk about loving your neighbor.

Have compassion for others. Ease a burden rather than be a burden. Offer comfort rather than reveling in the hardship of others. Never be ashamed to be emotional. In times of trial:

“Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary:

 “‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirst, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap hot coals on his head.’

“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:9-21).

Above all, count your blessings. These will, if put on the balance of life, far outweigh the trials, hardships, and sorrows. At times, it might not seem so, but your days will be filled with more sunshine than clouds. And even when the clouds and darkness loom, look for the light. Find that glimmer of light—the joy that may seem lost. For, though you might be amid a storm, this too shall pass. Remember the wisdom of Mattie Stepanek who, in his very short life, taught us to “play after every storm.”

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 2–Trust in Yourself

It is only through labor and prayerful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.–Theodore Roosevelt

In our last lesson, I asked you to trust in God —above anything (or anyone) Trust in God. In trusting him, understand that he has given you all the talents and gifts you need to succeed in your Purpose. Never doubt your abilities. You may not always succeed but realize that it is in failure that you learn and grow. It is in failure that you grow stronger. Each failure is a lesson learned and a step closer toward success. Know that you have the capability to learn from your mistakes and ultimately succeed. It has wisely been said that failure only comes with not trying. Eleanor Roosevelt wrote in You Learn by Living that “failure comes to everyone, except when one does nothing at all, which is in itself failure” (p.154).

My friend, Dale Schurter, pastored my church in New York when I lived there. He learned from his father, an Oklahoma farmer, and I pass it on to you, that “’Can’t’ never done nuthin’.” In other words, nothing will be accomplished when you begin with the notion that you are not capable. You can do anything to which you set your mind. Will you always do it well? Probably not. No person is so gifted that they can do everything well. I would not want a gifted mechanic repairing a faulty valve in my heart; nor would I want a gifted heart surgeon repairing a faulty valve in my car. Ephesians 9:10 reads: “whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might….” If you have an interest in something; if you try, you will succeed. Keep in mind, though, that you might not necessarily do it with the greatest of ease or perfection. The greatest satisfaction in life, however, comes in overcoming obstacles and doing something that has challenged you. Denis Waitley wrote that “the greatest limitations you will ever face will be those you place on yourself” (Being the Best, p. 73). Try, and you will succeed.

As a young person, you have not even begun to realize your potential. You are searching for those things that you enjoy and can do well. In the process, try many things. One of the many gifts my parents gave me was to expose me to a variety of activities as a child. I learned to try the foods of different cultures, to appreciate the arts, to be physically active, and to enjoy the outdoors. Thanks to my parents, I am as comfortable in a suit and tie as I am in shorts and a t-shirt. I am as at home in the city as I am in the country. I can enjoy the assortment of tastes and appreciate the diversity among God ‘s people. I can tap into both sides of my brain, and I can enjoy the theater or art museum as much as a good football game.

I remember fondly Saturdays in the fall as a child. Mornings were spent at Carnegie Museum in Pittsburgh at art classes. Dad would pick me up, and I would change into my football uniform in the car in the Liberty Tunnel on my way to my Little League game. I became neither a world-renowned artist nor an NFL football star (nor was I necessarily a high school standout), but I learned about myself and grew as a person.

As an educator, I appreciate the value of a liberal education in an age when we are becoming increasingly specialized. I’ve been told that we (PhDs) learn more and more about less and less until we know all there is about absolutely nothing. This should not be the case. Yes, develop your greatest gifts, but also find interests on the side that will make you a well-rounded person. And, when you find those things that interest you, do them with all your heart. Be passionate about everything you do. If you take this approach, you will succeed.

You will battle with self-doubt. We all do. You will hear from people that you lack the capacity to succeed. You will be told that you are inadequate and that you are not suited for the task at hand. Don’t listen to these people!! Turn your back to them and seek out those who will be supportive. When you can’t find supportive people, don’t worry. Remember that God is in your corner, and you can Trust in yourself. You can, and you will.

Your greatest enemy is self-doubt. Remember the Armstrong motto: Invictus Maneo—”I remain unvanquished.” Only you can determine your success or failure.

I may be beginning to sound like I am telling you that will always be capable of doing anything at any time. I am not at all implying that you can do everything, at this moment. You can do anything that you determine to devote yourself to doing. If you told me that you wanted to climb Mount Everest, I would support you. Would I encourage you to book the next flight to Tibet? Absolutely not! Most anything you do will require significant preparation and time. In the process of accomplishing your goal, you will undoubtedly face setbacks and disappointments. But with continued effort—and proper preparation—you will succeed. To run a marathon begins with one step. As you train and prepare, you grow and adapt. You become more and more suited to your goal.

Remember that you will not be the best at everything—perhaps not anything. You can be the best you can be, though. Know your limits and strengths and capitalize on these. I used the example of running a marathon. Be realistic in your goals. If you want to win the Boston Marathon, you might be setting yourself up for failure. You may lack the physical potential to “win”. If you are built like an NFL lineman, there is no chance of winning, so consider what you are pursuing. If you choose to simply finish the race, then, no doubt, you can. Likewise, a 135-pound runner should not consider trying out for the offensive line. However, heart can often overcome physical limitations. It the 1970s, Rudy Ruettiger set his sights on becoming a member of the Notre Dame Football team. His small size would not hold him back. Note that Rudy did not aspire to be a starter on the team. He sought to be a member of that team, and he worked his tail off to be a contributing member of the team. More importantly, Rudy inspired his teammates to play to their potential.

While I am inspired by the accomplishment of the underdog overcoming great obstacles to achieve greatness, I am completely turned off by prima-donna athletes who display little work ethic. If you are gifted with incredible talent, you owe it to your Creator—and others—to develop those talents. We see countless examples of tremendously talented athletes, actors, writers, musicians, and others in the public eye, who, when not performing, find themselves in trouble with drugs, violence, and other vices. You are obliged to become the best you can be. If success in one area comes easily—if success requires little effort and practice, then perhaps your excess energies can be diverted to other area. Use these energies to contribute to the success of others. Teach your skills to others. Volunteer your time to others in need. Be an asset you your community. Share your gift and the fruit of that gift with others. We will visit this in greater detail in Lesson 7: Love Your Neighbor.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

As my son approaches his 17th birthday and Senior year of high school, I decided to revisit the pages I wrote for him around the time of his birth. I was curious to see how my admonishments might have changed and I wanted to update it to prepare him for college and life beyond high school. Surprisingly, my edits were only minor grammatical or spelling changes that I had missed in the earlier drafts. I share them here (in serial format) for Liam….

Lesson 1–Trust in God

As you venture forward in life you will face the spectrum of experience. You will know heartache—a lot of heartache. You know success, and you will know failure. You will have great confidence, while at other times you will tremble in fear. You will know good, and you will battle evil. Life guarantees no easy path. And this is a blessing—yes, a blessing. For it is only when we are challenged that we grow—Physically, Spiritually, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially.

      Know this—that you will never be tested beyond what you are capable of enduring. We will speak later the topic of trials, but as Nietzsche wrote: “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” There are reasons for every experience. These—good or bad—are to develop you into the wonderful person you are to become.

      Though at times you may feel that you are walking alone in the shadow of death, fear not, for your God is with you and will never leave you or forsake you. He is the Almighty. There is nothing that is out of his control or reach. If you feel lost or forsaken, hold fast. Soon enough, you will again feel his presence beside you. He was always there. It is, however, in times of great trouble and despair that we tend to think that we have to go it alone. We take our eyes off our Lord. Like in the poem, “Footprints in the Sand”, we see only one set of footprints and fail to realize that it is because he is carrying us. Trials and difficulty, like the worst of hurricanes, soon pass. Always remember to “play after every storm.” For it is only after the storm that you will see that God was always there with you and has carried you. He allows you to experience difficulty for his Purposes. It may be to build character in you. It may be to build compassion in another. Whatever, it is for his plan—and his is greater than any we could ever imagine!

      God should be in everything you do. Your thoughts and your actions should reflect him. Will you be perfect in this? Of course, not. No one expects you to be perfect. Only Christ was perfect in the flesh. But you must strive for this perfection. This is your life’s greatest Purpose.

      Who is God? Many have asked this question. No one can answer this perfectly. But in a word, he is “love.” Love is the very essence of God. God is perfect love—that of which we, in the flesh, are incapable. We are admonished to love our neighbor and to love our enemies. The Bible tells us that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (I Cor. 13:4-7, NIV).

      The labels of modern faith do not bind our trust in God. Pure religion, we are taught, is to care for the widowed and the orphaned (James 1:27)—that is, to care for those in need. Make this your religion. You will know people of countless professions of faith. Know that none of these have a lock on God. Respect all faiths—Buddhist, Muslim, Jew, or Christian—all who desire to follow God. Respect those who are without faith, as well, for it is they who need your love the most. In the end, we will all have to answer for how we lived our life, and be certain, not one of us will have lived it perfectly. Be a friend to all, but in all your relationships include God.

      You will find God in everything. Everything is an expression of God. Therefore, respect everything and everyone. Let each day begin and end with a conversation with God. Pray continually. This sounds impossible, but what it means is let God enter every facet of your life—every decision, every action, and every relationship. This means, trust in God!

      Hindsight is 20/20, but we are blind when it comes to the future. For God, however, there is no beginning or end—no past or future. God is eternity. He knew you before your conception. He knows your end. He has set before you a course. Along that course are many roads. At each fork in your path, you will decide. Each road will lead you to your next destination, but the experience along the way will not be the same. You may take the easy road, or you may take the hard road. And trust that the easy road is not always the best road. There are experiences down even the hard road that are necessary for your future success. The key is to seek God ‘s direction. Do not rush down just any path—for, certainly, you will make a wrong turn. Trust in God. Lean not on your own understanding. Seek guidance.

      There will be times in life when you “know” what you absolutely must have. You will pray in earnest for this one thing. You will ask God and wait. Sometimes you will receive just what you asked for. Sometimes you must wait. Many times, the answer will be a resounding “NO.” You will be tempted to plead with God. And, sometimes, he may, after repeated petitions say, “Yes.” But, when the answer continues to be the negative, accept that this is in your best interest. God has something else in mind.

      I have always enjoyed the Garth Brooks song, “Unanswered Prayers.” Someday, when you go back to a football game at your high school, you will run into that “old high school flame” and realize just how unsuited you were for each other. If, however, you have been trusting in God along the way, you will turn and look at your wife and “thank God for unanswered prayers”—I certainly do! Your father waited over 40 years to meet your mother. But, in that year he was flooded with blessings beyond belief. Along with marrying the woman God intended for me, your conception and birth are the answer to years of unanswered prayers. However, my prayers were always answered—just not according to my schedule. Be patient. trust in God.

      When you find yourself on difficult path, ask God for strength and guidance. The experience that you are going through is a blessing. It is often hard to comprehend how the apostle Paul could tell us to “consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2, NIV). No one wants to hurt. No one wants to suffer. Trials are not fun. Heartache is painful. But, wounds heal, and broken bones mend. In fact, the scars strengthen the tissue that remains. Paul teaches us that “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4, NIV).

      Knowledge of human physiology tells us that the body is adaptable. To adapt, however, it must be stressed to a level greater than that to which it is accustomed. Likewise, if it is under-stressed, it can revert to a lower level of functioning. Therefore, you should welcome the opportunities to grow—to become stronger. God wants you to develop character. To do this, he must let you be tested. He will never let you experience more than you are capable of handling. Nor will he leave you alone, without a means of deliverance from your trials.

      Accept, too, that your suffering may be for the edification of others. Likewise, others suffer for your sake—therefore, never turn your back on someone in need. Have compassion. Help, as you are able. Minimally, you should pray for them and that God ‘s will be done. Remember that we are all on this earth for a divine Purpose and affect one another, whether we realize it or not. You never know who your actions may affect. You will find that there is much validity to the principle of “six degrees of separation”—that is, that we are less than six people removed from anyone in the world. So, you never know the extent to which your example will affect others.

            Trust in God! Live your life accordingly. As you read the lessons that follow, do so with the understanding that God is the center of your life.

Carpe momento!

©W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022.

This is my 60^th Father’s Day (I was a month and a half for my first) and my 17^th as a father. Fathers are never perfect. They aren’t meant to be. They are meant to direct us to a better us. We rarely see the blessing of our fathers when we are young. It is most often that we see in our reflection the influence of our fathers—and for many of us we see the reflection of our fathers.

Many celebrate the day with a sense of loss. Some with a bitter taste of abandonment. I am blessed to still have my father with me. I know I will always have him with me, as I will always have the memories and the reminders in myself.

My father is not perfect, but he is the perfect father for me. I would not be who I am without his influence. Thank you, Dad!

I am not a perfect father—far from it. I try. I make mistakes (a lot of mistakes), but despite my shortcomings, I trust that experiences and relationships my children are making are for God’s Purposes. I see reflections of myself, my father, my father-in-law, and my Creator Father in my children—more so with every passing year.

I celebrate today with grattitude and the hope that I will be my best today and be better tomorrow.

To all fathers, thank you and bless you. Moreover, may the fruit of your fatherhood be a blessing to others.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

[As I intended to type “carpe momento” above, by brain began to type one of my mantras—“I am third.” Perhaps, it is a subtle message to me from the Universe about my mission as a father?]

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.”—Albert Einstein

Growth is the very definition of life. According to John Henry Newman, “Growth is the only evidence of life.” Einstein focused on the Intellectual. As an exercise science professor, I often focus primarily on the Physical, but I also contend that one cannot separate the Spiritual and the Physical and that these are the very foundation for Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-centeredness. Thus, to paraphrase Einstein: well-centered growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.

Purpose in life is to grow—kaizen. We are not to achieve perfection. Rather we are to pursue perfection.

We must have a daily growth plan. There must be a process. Much like with performance-driven exercise, there must be a strategy that involves progressive overload—a periodization plan that focuses on growth potentiation. (This is why I structure wellness as an ever-expanding pyramid rather than a divided pie as it is often depicted.)

I find the Spiritual and the Physical inseparable because I regard everything as Spiritual. The Spiritual dimension of well-centered fitness considers one’s place in the Universe—that there is something greater than self. Growth in the Spiritual dimension considers this “other-centeredness.” We cannot attain our Purpose without a Physical presence. Thus, focused growth in the Spiritual and Physical dimensions potentiates growth in the counter-part. Likewise, growth in these dimensions feeds the will and ability to grow Intellectually. In turn, leading to growth potentiation in the Emotional and Social dimensions. These, in turn, potentiate Spiritual and Physical growth, and the cycle repeats.

The target of perfection is an asymptote. It is only death that we should end this pursuit.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“I have always believed that process is more important than results.’’—M.S. Dhoni

I have the opportunity to coach strength and conditioning for my son’s high school wrestling team. We started this week and most of the athletes are true beginners in the weight room. Many are also under the influence of the Internet. I am working to lay a foundation and have a plan for them (in the strength and conditioning field it is referred to as “vertical integration”). I believe in simplicity and progression. For some (most at this stage) there is a need to develop technique and movement mastery before adding weight and doing complicated moves. Unfortunately, simple (and effective) is not always as sexy as what the athletes see on social media. I am having to convince some to “trust in the process.”

In considering what I might write about in this posting, I came across the above quote. I get what the author is saying, but I would contend that the process is the result. What I mean is that without the process there is no result. What we do or don’t do to accomplish our goals affects the outcome. The results are important. Otherwise, what is the point? There is no need for a process unless there is a goal. The process and goal cannot be separated. The results are indeed dependent upon the process, but the result should drive the process.

Too many people are too interested in quick results. They want hacks and quick fixes. They want the short-cut to success. In some situations, these may lead to the intended results, but rarely are they lasting results. For such people, the results are more important than the process. Unfortunately, there has been not growth or permanent change of habits or practice.

Process has long-term consequences. It is intentional. It is sequential. It connects the points between beginning and end. So, yes, “process is more important than results.” Process without intention (i.e., specified results) is not truly “process.” By definition (Oxford Dictionary), process is “a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.” Antonyms of process may include idleness, ignorance, inaction, inactivity, etc. We have heard it said that “those who fail to plan plan to fail.” Failure is measured as the result—the attainment of the intended goal. Failure is the result of a failed process. So, yes, the process is the result.

Plan the process well, and the result will be as intended. Whatever the goal—desired outcome—there must be a systematic plan (including a realistic timeline) to get there. The work to lay a foundation is never as pleasing as making the finishing touches. The work is the more important, however.

What are your long-term goals? How do you plan to get there? The result is important, so take the time to carefully consider how you need to get there.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!