Month: March 2017

I heard a comment the other day blaming Society for certain ills in our communities.  Really?  Can we blame “Society”??

Who, by the way, is “Society”?  Aren’t we—you, me, and the next person—“Society”?  Personally, I understand that I am responsible for me.  I may not like what is going on around me—and, believe me, I find very little comfort in the world—but, ultimately, I make decisions for myself.

Today might seem like a bit of a rant, but so be it.  I need to get on my soapbox every so often and speak to myself.

Where does one begin to address the ills of our communities?  There are so many to discuss.  The one particular ill that was identified the other day involved the lack of community.  How we don’t talk to one another anymore.  How we don’t know our neighbors.  How we expect the government to care for the needs of the masses.  How we bury ourselves in our phones and computers and don’t communicate face-to-face.  These, and more, are certainly problems in our communities (i.e., “society”), but why?

I don’t know the whys and whens, per se.  Sociology is not my science of choice.  I do know, however, that the trends exist.  When I walk the halls of my university between classes, I see lines of students focused on their smart phones.  When we take a break in class, the majority of students pull out their phones rather than talk to the person next to them.  I have had colleagues e-mail me rather than walk to my office.  I told my students the other day that I have literally only picked up the receiver on the phone in my office twice in the last year.  In restaurants, it is not uncommon to see everyone at a table looking at his or her phone.  Whose fault it this?

If we blame “Society”, we are in complete denial.  There is no nebulous force controlling us and dictating that we shield ourselves from others.  We close ourselves off from other.  That phone does not control us.  Don’t know your neighbors?  When was the last time you knocked on their door?  When was the last time you waved to someone across the street, had a party and invited people you don’t know? (And by “you” I mean “I”.)

We have the opportunity every day to make our communities better.  We have the opportunity to feed the hungry, bring comfort to the uncomfortable, visit the lonely, give hope to children, etc.  If you don’t know your neighbor, introduce yourself!  Put down your phone and talk to the person across from you or next to you!

It always bothers me that today’s churches take a moment at the beginning of a service to ask everyone to say good morning to someone nearby them.  Of all places, shouldn’t “fellowship” be the norm?  Instead we see people arrive late and leave early.  Our neighborhoods are no better.

Oh, I could go on, but my family is up, and I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t go spend time with them.

Carpe momento!  (It is the fault of no one else, if you/I choose not to!)

Living in Oregon, I have multiple views of Mt. Hood on my commute.  On some days, I can see Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens, and at least one other volcanic mountain (I believe it is one of the Sisters) along my commute.  I especially enjoy the view of Mt. Hood near the end of my commute, just before I turn up into my neighborhood.  Some days, it can be beautifully colored by the setting sun.  I noticed recently, however, that I cannot remember the last “mountain out day”.  Maybe it is all the winter rain we have been having, but it has occurred to me that maybe—likely—it is me?  Have I simply not been taking the time to notice?

Similarly, a while back, I was driving in the rain near my home when I notice the pronounced aroma of wet pine needles.  The needles from the surrounding Sequoias were covering the road.  The wetness from the rain and crushing from the car tires released the distinct smell of pine into the air.  Had I never noticed this before?  Had I never taken the time to “smell the pine”?  It really reminded me to slow down and experience my environment.

This recent revelation of my lack of mountain out days has struck me.  Certainly, the clouds and rain have been blocking the view, but, as I reflected on this, it occurred to me that I haven’t been looking.  I have been too focused on other things.  I have been rushing to and from work.  I have been thinking about what I need to get done and what I haven’t done.  I have been letting the negative aspects of my circumstances affect my positive attitude.

We need to look for the “mountains” on a daily basis.  We need to seek the positive experiences that will present themselves when we are willing to receive them.

Our happiness is a choice.  Sure, there will be sadness and frustration, but these should never outweigh the joy in our lives.  We can focus on the darkness, or we can look for the light.  Happiness is not elusive.  It avails itself to us every day.  It is our decision whether or not we seek it.

Slow down.  Take the time to notice what is happening around you.  Receive the good that surrounds you.  Look for the mountains.  Smell the pine needles.  Take time to smell the roses (this maybe isn’t as cliché as it often sounds).

I am reminded of a friend’s photography*.  There are many great photographers who have a real talent for capturing spectacular photographs—the color and shades that are a once in a forever image.  She is one of these.  I have also noticed that she—and perhaps the other photographers like her—live in the moment.  Some sit and wait for that perfect image.  Others, however, capture the moments when they come.  These understand carpe momento!

I write this blog to myself.  It is a reminder to me to seek the better path—to take the time to look for the mountain.  I hope it helps a reader or two here and there, as well.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  As always, carpe momento!!

*Enjoy Heather’s photography at: http://www.anartfulsoul.com/

“Nothing is more dangerous than a dogmatic worldview – nothing more constraining, more blinding to innovation, more destructive of openness to novelty.”—Stephen J. Gould

Freshman year in high school, my algebra teacher, Ms. Romano, noticed me squinting in class.  She moved to the front row and suggested that I have my eyes checked.  Shortly thereafter, I was wearing glasses for distance—only for class and, eventually, driving, because I hated how I looked in glass (still do).  Eventually, my vision worsened to the point of needing correction all the time.  Now, I wear contacts.

Whether we wear glasses or contacts or not, we live our lives seeing through lenses.  We view the world through our own biases.  Sometimes our lenses help us see clearly.  At other times, we see a distorted world view.  Most of our lives are spent squinting—thinking we can see fine or what we see is an accurate picture.  If we are lucky, we have a Ms. Romano who helps us see what we can’t see so clearly.

So many areas of our lives are lenses that shape our vision—religion and politics are the most noteworthy. It is only when a more correct lens is provided that we see things more clearly.

This is term paper season for me, as a professor.  I recently proofread a draft for a student and was taken back by the level of bias in the paper.  I don’t think it was intentional.  The student just began his paper from the perspective to which he adheres.  Unfortunately, he was clearly not open to seeing other views—or even contemplating the science that was contrary to his assumptions.  Unfortunately, this is how most of us go about our lives.  We all have our “sacred cows” to which we hold on with no intention of letting go.  No amount of evidence to the contrary can convince us.  This is not “well-centered”.  This is not growth-oriented.

We need to be open to alternative ideas (not “alt facts” per se, but ideas that challenge our thinking.  We need to explore life like a trip to the optometrist—you know, the machine that changes your clarity ever so slightly until the correct prescription is found.  We need to be willing to try new lenses, because, chances are, our current lens is not quite right.  This is not to say we let go of our long-held ideas.  They may, in fact, be correct.  We simply need to be clear in our vision of reality.  Without my contacts or glasses, I can see a tree in the distance.  I know it is a tree.  With the right lens, however, the detail of the tree becomes clearer.  And, perhaps, there is more for me to see.

We need to take the time to understand why we believe what we believe and to desire to see things more clearly—even if it reveals that what we were looking at is not at all what we thought we were seeing.

“You have to be a man off the mat before you can become a man on the mat”—Andy Lausier

Today is the final day of the NCAA Wrestling Championships.  Dreams will be fulfilled for some.  For others, there will be disappointment.  Sports, in general, reveal the character in athletes.  Wrestling, for me—like many other men and women—has taught me life lessons that continue to reveal themselves.

Today also marks the end of a challenge I was given to post on this blog every day through the wrestling season.  The challenge ends, but the desire is stronger to keep writing.  Writing is, after all, self-serving.  What I write comes from an inner voice and the voices of those who inspire and influence me to be a better person.  I write first to myself.

I asked Andy for the final quote for the short series of posts leading up to this day.  A specific wrestling quote did not come to mind, but he shared the above phrase that he has developed in his own coaching and wrestling.  I thought it quite appropriate according to my intent.  For my friends like Sally Roberts and other females who have made their mark on the world through women’s wrestling and sports, I am sure it is obvious that “man” and “woman” are interchangeable.  Indeed, one must be a man or woman of character before he or she can become a successful man or woman in any area of life.  Wrestling just seems to be such a natural analogy for life.

It reminded me of Joe Ehrmann’s philosophy of “transformational” coaching and teaching his athletes to be men “for others”.  In whatever one does, it is essential to first be a person of character and integrity.  In whatever one does, personal growth must be the priority.  We must seek victory and success, not for personal glory, but for the betterment of ourselves and others.

In sharing his statement with me, Andy also shared that “as I’ve spent 26 years of my life in the sport I realize why I didn’t accomplish my goals as a wrestler.  It’s because I was only working to improve as a wrestler, not as a person.  I think growth as an individual and growth as a wrestler parallel one another – but growth as a person has to come first.  So many people don’t realize the lessons wrestling offers until they have finished competing.  It’s only in retrospect that they see what they’ve gained from wrestling.  As a coach, I try to bring those lessons to the present time for my athletes.”  I believe he is succeeding in this—whether his athletes (or he) realize it in the moment.

I share often my son’s developing career in wrestling (as well as football and lacrosse).  I have been most proud of those times when he has revealed growing character as an athlete.  Pins, tackles, big runs, and defensive plays are great and exciting, but at the end of the day, he is preparing for manhood.  Perhaps his coaches will be successful in developing him to the point that I save significantly on college expenses, but what is more important to me are the results that reveal themselves years from now—in how he treats others.  I cannot sing the praises of his wrestling, football, and lacrosse coaches enough.  A coach is not marked by the skills he/she teaches in practice.  Rather, a coach is marked by the words that are said in practice.  When a coach spends 10 or more minutes after practice addressing players individually for what they have done well and emphasizing such things as goals and discipline (on and off the mat/field) and the importance of relationships, that coach is a winner in my book.  When the athletes heed the coaches’ lessons, they too are winners.

Let us seek first to be a man/woman off the mat, and the rest will follow.  Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“How do you beat an individual who hasn’t been beaten in 13 years? With the help of others.”—Rulon Gardner

Today is the second to the last day of a challenge to write a blog post a day for the rest of the (wrestling) season.   This adventure began November 14^th.  I am grateful for the challenge.  It pushed me to write.  As another friend recently reminded me, “Inspiration involves perspiration.  If can’t write well, write badly.  But write.”  (Thank you, Ed!)  In the last five days of this challenge—set to end with the NCAA Wrestling Championships in St. Louis (which is appropriate, since this was the destination of Coach Andy Lausier’s, who inspired this ride, 7-day, 1700-mile bike ride to raise money for the Sacred Heart University Wrestling program)—I have taken up a theme of writing to some inspirational quotes from wrestlers.  Through it all, I was buoyed by the support and encouragement of friends and family.

The above quote of Rulon Gardner resonates with me.  We are not successful in insolation.  We need the support of others.  This quote refers to Gardner’s defeat of Russian Aleksandr Karelin to win the gold medal Greco-Roman Wrestling in the 2000 Olympics.  This was an amazing and inconceivable feat.

So, how does one achieve the unbelievable?  With the support of those who dare to believe.  We are all capable of far more than we, alone, can ever achieve.  If we are successful, we must give thanks to the family, friends, coaches, teachers, and even our opponents—our adversaries—who continually pushed us to get better.

Gratitude leads to success.  We get nowhere alone.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

“The only thing you deserve is what you earn.”—Tom Brand

One statement I don’t like to hear is “I deserve….”  Truth be told, we are deserving of nothing.  We are not entitled.  We earn what we get.

Respect? We need to be respectable.

Reward?  Rewards are deserved.  They are worked for.

Recognition? We are recognized for what we do.

Win or lose, we get what we earn.  Trophies?  This is cause for some debate.  Do we award participation trophies?  Technically, they are earned.  The challenge is in encouraging more than “participation”.  In addition, (and this is my opinion—right or wrong) there comes a time when such trophies cease to be awarded.  To some extent, participation becomes the reward.  At a certain point, getting to play the game, so to speak, is the reward.  Herein, is where varsity letters (that are “earned”) differ from mere participation trophies.

Whether a trophy, medal, or other award is given is somewhat inconsequential.  What matters most is the effort and the intrinsic “reward”.  Nothing is deserved without being earned.

There is much discussion of “rights” in American politics and society.  Human rights are a bit tricky.  To what does one truly have rights to?  The United States Constitution suggests that one has the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”  Does one deserve these?  Maybe, but, perhaps “deserve” is not appropriate.  Does one deserve life?  Does one deserve liberty?  Does one deserve happiness?  Not likely.  As rights, these are undeniable.  These are legally attainable, but what has any of us done to deserve these?

Happiness is earned.  Success is earned.  Wealth is earned (if it is inherited, it is by no means deserved).  Anything of value is earned.  Even love is earned—this is why we have terms like “unconditional” to attach to love.  We are liked or loved because we earn another’s affection.

With all of this, it does not mean we give to others what is not deserved.  Grace, above all, is the foundation of the Christian faith.  But grace, after all, is “undeserved favor”.  One cannot earn it.

We must earn what we desire.  Of this there can be no argument.  Want to be successful?  Work.  Want wealth?  Work harder.  Want to be loved?  Be lovable!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow—and you will get what you earn.

Carpe momento!

 

“Pressure is a privilege.”—John W. Smith

Pressure is both a physical force and a persuasive force.  Either way, it is a “privilege”.

A quick check of Thesaurus, one finds synonyms for privilege such as: honor, treat, joy, source of pride, license, opportunity, dispensation, advantage, benefit, etc.  Pressure is all of these.

My favorite is “opportunity”.  Pressure drives us.  Pressure resists us.  Pressure builds strength—physical strength, strength of character, discipline, etc.  Having the pressures in life that oppose us, benefits us in countless ways.

Be grateful for the pressures that shape us.  We may ask for the easy way, but there is no growth in this.  Consider that for growth to occur, one must be challenged beyond that to which one is accustomed.  Thus, “pressure is a privilege.”

Seek that which will make you grow.  Challenge yourself.  Welcome challenge.  Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

This one is for my friend, Sally Roberts, 2x World Bronze Medalist on Team USA and founder of the “Wrestle Like a Girl” Foundation and all female athletes.  I have been unsuccessful in getting my 8-year-old girl to wrestle.  Presently, she prefers basketball, and that is okay, too.  I’ll keep trying, though.  As I watch my son’s love of the sport grow, it is exciting to watch the increased involvement of girls in the sport.

Women’s wrestling has come a long way since I wrestled in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s.  Now, it is less a matter of overcoming resistance and bias and more a matter of opportunity.  The USA recently won its first Gold Medal in Women’s Wrestling, but we are still a long way from sanctioned high school wrestling for women in all 50 states.

So, why would I want my daughter to wrestle?  I want her to wrestle for the same reasons that I want my son to wrestle.  “Once you’ve wrestled, everything else in life is easy” (Dan Gable).  Wrestling teaches the life lessons and self-confidence that serves women, as well as men.

I believe that among other things, wrestling teaches self-discipline, self-confidence, self-reliance, personal responsibility, and mental toughness.  Who can argue that such skills do not serve our daughters, as well as our sons.

What is the female equivalent of “stud”?  ‘Cause, if there is such a word, it will describe most of the girls I have observed wrestling in my son’s program.  Actually, there needs to be a better word for these girls.  They can hang in with the boys—in many cases, they destroy the boys on the mat—but, at the end of the day, they are 100% girl.  Women wrestlers are breaking stereotypes.  As I seek to promote the concept of “well-centered fitness” (i.e., Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-being), the female wrestler can serve as a model.  Strong, healthy, and self-confident. 

I might never be successful in getting my little girl to wrestle, but, nonetheless, she will always be encouraged to be a strong woman and a role model to other girls.  To the young ladies who do take up the sport, show ‘em what it means to “wrestle like a girl”!  Carpe momento!

Support women’s wrestling.  For more information on how, visit:

http://www.wrestlelikeagirl.org/

“A ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are made for.”—William G. T. Shedd

I recently asked friends to share a favorite quote.  The above quote was shared by an ol’ football coach (he’s a teacher, too, but I never had him for class).  It is an appropriate message for a teacher/coach to share.  I guess, after all these years, he is still doing the job of teacher and coach.

This statement speaks to me on so many levels.  It speaks to Purpose.  It speaks to fear.  It is a call to action.  It is a challenge to take risks and seek opportunities.  It invites us to carpe momento!

We tend to play it “safe”.  We avoid the risk of failure.  We drop anchor and stay put.  Sadly, though, when a ship stays in port, it never sees the world.

We are made for adventure.  We are not made for the safety of the harbor.  We are meant to set off for uncharted territory and to find who we are to become.

My friend, Coyte Cooper (Make Your Mark) stresses that goals are to be unreasonable by ordinary standards.  Anyone who ever achieved anything noteworthy was probably told by someone that they could not do what they intended to do.  “The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible” (Arthur C. Clarke).  The impossible is not found by anchoring the ship.

What is keeping your ship in the harbor?  Now is not the time to play it safe.  Your ship is made for doing what today is not possible. Go!  Opportunity awaits.  Be (extra)ordinary!!

Carpe momento!

 

“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”—Orison Swett Marden

No one likes to struggle, but struggle is an inevitable part of life.  While struggle should not be sought after, it should be welcomed (to some extent, at least).  There is no growth without struggle.

While we tend to look to beyond the storm clouds for when the struggle will end, there is something to be said for engaging in the struggle.  What are we to learn from this?  What good can (and will) come from this?  The opportunity is present, if we choose to look for it.

I have often felt that I have not struggled in my life.  Indeed, I have not struggled to the magnitude some of my friends have.  So, at times, I feel unqualified to talk about struggle.  And, perhaps, I am.  I find, however, that I am less inclined to struggle, per se, because I am less inclined to perceive my circumstance as  a struggle.  Perhaps, it is merely denial.  But, more often than not, I see it as a normal part of life—and my struggles are minor by comparison to others.  To be completely honest, the notion that I have not gone through great struggles sometimes worries me.  I think of Arthur Ashe’s response to the question of whether he ever asked “why me?” in response to contracting AIDS from a blood transfusion.  His response was, in essence, “If I were to say, ‘God, why me?’ about the bad things, then I should have said, ‘God, why me?’ about the good things that happened in my life.” I tend to take this a step farther and ask: “God, why not me?”  I find myself waiting for the shoe to drop, so to speak.  This is not to be asking for suffering.  Rather, it is an acknowledgement of “there but for the grace of God…” and of the knowledge that I am not above anyone.  Indeed, as I have watched friends suffer, I have realized that I would have handled it with the strength they have.  And, maybe, this is why I don’t “suffer”—because I am simply too weak.

There is no way in the present to know why suffering happens.  I believe, in hind-sight, we can always see that our suffering works for the good of others. This offers little comfort to the sufferer.  It does, however, give us the courage to see the opportunity in suffering.  Good will come from the pain.

For those who are hurting, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  Your strength encourages me.  Know that you do not struggle in vain.  While you might never make sense of what you are going through, know that you are a blessing to us all.  Remain strong.