The Mental Battle.

I was never a great wrestler—nor a very good one.  I have, nevertheless, learned a lot from the sport and continue to learn.

Recently, my son’s wrestling club shared “5 Ways to Win the Metal Battle” by Wrestling Mindset.  As frequently happens, wrestling provided me with yet another “life-lesson”.

1. Strike first attack or get your hands on your opponent immediately. In other words, don’t hesitate. Act.  Be ahead of the competition.  Don’t wait for someone else to lead your way.

2. Good body language. You can be tired but don’t look tired. I wrote a while back about millennials and how they feel like they always have to “be on”.  We need to take time out from time to time.  We don’t always have to “be on”, but, when we are supposed to be on, we’d better be on.  We might be stressed and tired, but we can’t show it.  Wrestling matches are roughly 6 minutes.  There is plenty of time after the match to “be tired”.    Likewise, work when it is time to work.  The time to rest will come.

3. No free points. In other words, make your competition work. Don’t yield unnecessarily.  Be smart and be attentive.  Failure is inevitable when one is living beyond one’s comfort zone (so, of course, is success), but failure should never come easy.  Fail trying.

4. Be the last one to wrestle. Winning wrestlers are relentless in their training. So, too, are those who win the mental battle—those who are truly successful.  Be relentless.  Be persistent.  Always do one more repetition than the next guy.

5. Never quit. Legendary football coach, Vince Lombardi, said the “winners never quit, and quitters never win. I would bet that, sometime in his decades as a wrestler and coach, Dan Gable said something as simple and profound.  There can be no victory in quitting—i.e., in giving up.  There may come a time to leave the shoes on the mat, as the greats exit the sport, but there is never a time to give up.  Never quit before the match ends.  In life, one can concede defeat, but one must never quit.

Living with a growth mindset is a mental battle.  It is a daily contest.  It is a struggle, but it can be won.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Lipstick on a pig.

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”—Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

I love all the political posts on social media (**sarcasm**).  It isn’t always just politics.  As a society—as a purported community—we tend to always be one-sided in our views (myself included).  The result is that we are always quite quick to point out the plank in others, yet neglect our own failings and shortcomings.

Recently, I have seen a barrage of attacks on former President Clinton’s ABC Today interview (some of which **cough** Fox News **cough** actually misrepresent or deny certain parts of the interview) relating to his relationship with Monica Lewinski while he was President.  On the other side, there are the attacks (as well as defensive comments) about our current President.  Among these as well, are countless other examples from a wide variety of organizations, political parties, etc.  I will not take a political position on these, but as a son, a brother, a husband, and a father—not to mention an educator and mentor of women, I will call a pig a pig.

I responded to comments on a friend’s social media the other day and said the following on by own:

“Let’s get this straight: if you cheat on your wife, abuse, or otherwise, sexually harass a woman (any women) and/or go the strip clubs and/or participate in the support of the sex trade, you are a pig. No matter what your political affiliation, there is no excuse or justification. Let’s stop calling out our opposition whilst defending our own. If anything, we should be calling out our own before attacking others. You can put lipstick on a pig. It is still a pig.”

I stand by these comments, and was well-supported in making them.  I added, in response to a friend’s comments that “women must take ownership, but never is it the woman’s fault that the man is a pig.”  In saying this, though, I hope it is clear that women who play a voluntary role cannot claim to be victims, but we cannot and must not blame the women.  Strangely, though, on my friends’ post (and I see it in numerous others) there are some who would argue that one’s infidelity is different than another’s.  This is sheer nonsense!

I would hope (and expect) that I would hold those from my particular affiliation to the higher standard.  After all, they should be a reflection of me.  Because I espouse Christian values, one should expect that I would not condemn the actions of a non-Christian as deplorable and turn around and excuse the behavior of a Christian leader or politician as a moment of weakness or blame the tempter.  Flip Wilson’s “the Devil made me do it” made for great comedy, but is a piss-poor justification for a lack of character.

I am not writing this as a political statement or condemnation.  I also believe in forgiveness—when there is real repentance.  I am writing this because we can all stand to be reminded that Jesus offered he who is without sin to throw the first stone.  Not one of us qualifies to throw rocks.  We can never condone or justify the exploitation and/or abuse of anyone.  Abusive behavior is never defensible.  Let’s stop putting lipstick on our pigs.  Let’s live honorably and expect other—all others—to do the same.

Carpe momento! 

Image source:  http://www.bakerstreetmarketing.com.au/marketing/lipstick-marketing-pig/

Choose the parents wisely.

I have frequently shared the statement from Per Olof Åstrand the to become an elite athlete one must “choose your parents wisely”.  I truly believe this to be the case, whatever the goals or purpose in life.

I often struggle with my circumstances—where I live, where I work, who I associate with or don’t associate with—in other words, with my personal satisfaction.  When I do, I often resign myself to the fact that it is not about me.  I consider that perhaps I am where I am, under the conditions I am under, not for my purposes, but for the purposes of my children—which is, in reality, my purpose (or, at least, in part, my purpose).

When I consider my role in my children’s purposes, I sometimes feel comforted.  At other times, however, I feel an overwhelming sense of panic.  I worry that I might be failing them.  I fear that I could be messing them up beyond repair.

Sunday night, I called my dad, as I regularly do.  We chatted about my upcoming discussion on The Modern Masculinity Project with my friend, Brad.  I joked about what might come out, but, at the same time, reassured my dad that I have no regrets of foster any ill-feelings.  The reality is that I am who I am because of my parents—not in spite of them.  They gave me all of the experiences (good and bad) and opportunities I needed.  (Note: I did not state “wanted”.  “Needed” is the correct term to use.  Anything different, I would not be the same person.)

Despite the gratitude for my upbringing, I still worry, as a parent.  Am I too hard on my kids?  Am I too soft?  Am I giving them the opportunities they need?  Are we supposed to be in Oregon, like we felt ten years ago we are supposed to be?  I just don’t want to **** them up.

Whatever my concerns or worries, I have to trust their path, as well as my own.  They chose me and my wife, after all.  The damage is on them (**wink**).

Parenting is hard, but someone has to do it.  As parents, we are obligated to do our best and trust in the result.  All of us can do better, though.

When it comes to the past—i.e., our parents—what is done is done.  No one can change it.  Our upbringing is what it is.  There is no changing the past.  What we have is the present.  It is our individual decision what we do with our experiences.  The future, in turn, is up to us.

As for our own kids?  They will be left to clean up the mess we make of them—and what perfect messes they will be.

Carpe momento!

Neck training.

Many years ago, my friend, Larry and I came up with a list of “rules” for weight-training.  First, there was the “accommodation theory” (if you date someone much shorter than you, it will make you look bigger—I was dating a girl who was around 5’ to my 6’5” frame.  Then, there was the “dominant couple theory” (if both are big, it will make you look bigger—at this time I was dating a girl who was about 6’).  There were others.  We also prioritized muscle development.  Accordingly, the priority muscle was the neck.  The neck, after all, cannot be hidden.  You may be built like a young Arnold Schwarzenegger beneath your clothes, but, if you have a pencil neck, you look weak.  Conversely, a thick neck always presents strength and athleticism, and clothes can “hide a multitude of sins”.  (This is probably why I have not been overly concerned about not having 6-pack abs.)  The neck is followed by forearms (short sleeves) and calves (shorts).

Our “rules” were all in fun, and, of course, we don’t only neck train.  We often do, however, find ourselves following similar rules in life.  We focus on perceptions—on only what people see.  Coach John Wooden said that “the true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”  Integrity and character require that we grow, not for show, but for the purpose of growing.

All too frequently, we see the “righteous” fall when the façade is removed.  Like training the neck only, eventually, the clothes are removed to reveal one’s true physique.  Therefore, we can’t get by forever training only the neck.  We must grow the whole of ourselves.

Personally, I worry that what I hid will be revealed and when it is revealed, it will be ugly.  Not one of us is perfect, so why hide our flaws?  Why project a false image of ourselves?

I have agreed to share my conversation with my friend Brad Pankey on his new podcast, The Modern Masculinity Project.  I am quite nervous for this—partly because I feel I have a voice for print media—because of the doors to my life he might open.  At the same time, I am excited– because of the doors to my life he might open. It is healthy for us to allow our deepest selves to be revealed.  We shouldn’t care what others might think.  They are not walking our path, and they, certainly, don’t understand why we are on the path we are on.

So, we should not train only the neck or neglect the neck.  Rather we should train the whole body—i.e., live such that we grow inside and out.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Free-range parenting.

Utah recently passed a law that narrows the definition of neglect and allows for children who are mature enough to avoid harm to play “free-range”.  When I was a kid, that was called parenting.  We were sent out of the house in the morning and expected to by home when the street lights came on.  We biked all over and explored nearby woods and construction sites.  We walked to school or to the bus.  We might be sent to the store to pick up a few items.  “Play dates” weren’t carefully planned and negotiated.  Little Timmy would just show up at the door to play, and off we would go.  Today, other than Utah, such parenting would result in a call to the police and a visit from Child Protective Services.

My daughter’s school stops at the end of our cul-de-sac—three houses away.  The stop before this one is literally the end of the same block!

I was fortunate to live just two houses from the elementary school from the end of third grade to the end of sixth grade.  Our community was a mile square and spit down the middle by a “main road”.  There were two elementary schools and all kids walked.  (I don’t remember any kid being driven to school back then.)  There were a few streets with crossing guards, but some kids walked nearly a half mile to the school.  (There was no cafeteria, so some of these might walk home for lunch and back, as well.)  I am sure the Kindergarteners were walked by their mothers the first weeks of school, but I don’t remember this being the case much longer.  Older siblings were sometimes responsible for the younger, but often the child learned to walk to school alone or with friends.  None of us would call our parents “neglectful”.

No one, today, would allow playgrounds of the 60s and 70s—steel play structures on asphalt surfaces.  Scrapes and broken bones were a reality of play.  Back then, iodine and mercurochrome were the antiseptics of choice.  After the stinging and the brownish-yellow stain dried, mom kissed the hurt, applied a Band-Aid, and we were back to playing.

Today, the monkey bars are lower and over a layer of soft rubber.  Parents go to the park with the child and stand beneath them should they happen to lose their grip.  Any parent who might stand off “inattentive” while their child plays “Spiderman” at the top of the playset is labeled as neglectful.  Likewise, we would never consider dropping our child off at a friend’s house (‘cause you would never let them walk there) without having done their due diligence—background check, question the gossipy neighbor, checking the sex-offender registry, etc.  And, of course, we will linger to check out the environment, the parents, and the kids–not to mention the rundown of foods the child can and cannot eat.

When did parenting become so over-protective?  When did we begin to see the need to stifle childhood development and risk-taking?

The other day, some men were talking about parents who were suing to evict their 32-year-old son.  Seriously, people are going to fault the 32-year-old man??  Someone should sue the parents for neglecting to rear a responsible, self-sufficient adult.  But, society doesn’t look at it that way.  We have hovered over a generation of children, being overly protective of them and babying them.  Now that they are “adults”, we whine about them.  Look, if you want to complain about “Millennials”, take ownership.  We created them.  The parents and society are to blame.

Unfortunately, I don’t live in Utah.  I have had to question and contend with my “bad parenting” choices.  I have tempered my responses to educators and parents far too many times to count.  I love my kids far too much to stifle them.  Sure, I feel like an evil parent quite frequently.  A big part of parenting, though, is loving your child enough to be “hated” by them.  An even bigger part of parenting is preparing the child to face the world.  It is time to rip the “How to Properly Bubble-Wrap Your Child” chapter from the parenting manual.  It is time to allow our children to get hurt, to fail, to grow, and to find their way.

Being dismissive of “over-protection” does not suggest that parents should be under-protective.  Rather, “free-range” parenting suggests the appropriate protection of the child.  “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV).

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

What are you going to do?

“We make the world we live in and shape our own environment.”—Orison Swett Marden

There are very few people who will tell you the world is perfect.  In fact, if they did, you might question their sanity or ask from under which rock they came.  There is not even a hidden microcosm of perfection in the world.  Every community, region, state, and nation has issues.  Every work environment is flawed.  Every family is uniquely “dysfunctional”.  (I use “dysfunctional” here because it is, in my humble opinion, overused and misused.  Blaming family seems to be the number one excuse for our own shortcomings.)

So, your world isn’t perfect?  What are you going to do?

Now, there are two ways to read that last question: “What are you going to do?”  How you read and answer the question is a daily—often moment-to-moment—response.

What are you going to do?  Here, it its read dismissively—like “it is what it is; nothing you can do about it.”  This leads to anger and frustration—or worse, apathy.  The result is never change.  We either accept the circumstances as they are and live disappointed, or we run.

What are YOU going to do?  Here we recognize that our circumstance needs to change, and we take ownership.  We consciously determine to do something—to be an agent for change.  Yes, it can lead to anger and frustration, but we use this emotion to drive our actions.

Sometimes, we can be up against seemingly insurmountable odds.  Often, systems have been in places for a very long time.  Often, the very mention of change offends people who think the very suggestion that something needs to change is an attack on them personally.  Sometimes, taking ownership of the issue at hand is like taking on the role of Sisyphus.  While driving change might seem futile, action is always at least slightly less futile than inaction.

Often it is that one stubborn, fed-up, person, who decides to start pushing, who inspires the more apprehensive to join in.  It the one who dares to do the impossible who does the “impossible”.

“We make the world we live in and shape our own environment” (Marden).  This is a call to ownership.  We are responsible for the world in which we live.  We have a choice of shaping our environment or conforming to it.  Even if we accept our world as it is, we have shaped it by allowing it to be as it is.  So, if you don’t like the world in which you live, what are you going to do about it?

Carpe momento!

It is called “specificity”!

“A better approach is to keep strength training for building strength, to keep conditioning for improving conditioning and to keep wrestling for improving wrestling.”—Kyle Klingman, Director of the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Dan Gable Museum

The above quote refers specifically to wrestling, but it is applicable to all sports—and to all training goals, for that matter.  Avoid the temptation to think that strength training and conditioning are one and the same—or that conditioning is strength training. As well, avoid the temptation to believe there is such a thing as “sport-specific training”.

A very popular trend in fitness is to train “athletes”—i.e., regular folks like the majority of us—with “athletics-like” activities.  Most of these activities are unnecessary for real athletes, let alone us wish-we-were-still-athletes.  I have adopted the label Cross-HIIT for these random, non-specific, workout of the day workouts (not to be confused with CrossFit, per se).

I cannot stress enough the importance of specificity in the exercise prescription.  There is some transference between training modalities, but the body makes specific adaptations to the imposed demands.  In other words, cardiorespiratory (aerobic) training improves cardiorespiratory fitness, strength training improves strength, muscle endurance training improves muscle endurance, speed training improves speed, etc.

The goals of training are sport-specific, but the training is goal specific. The only sport-specific training is the sport itself. Condition to practice better. Practice to perform better.

If you are not an athlete, your goals are probably much more general than the athlete.  Don’t be led to believe that one training program suits all.  Consider your goals and train accordingly.  Compartmentalize your training to suit your specific goals and pursue a planned program of overload and progression.  Don’t waste time on non-specific training activities.  If your goals are simply general fitness and body composition, then regular HIIRT-type exercise may be fine, but realize that while these workouts will burn fat and have a positive effect on muscle endurance, they will have minimal effect on cardiorespiratory endurance, muscle strength, and hypertrophy.

Know your goals.  Know your why.  Train smart.  Train hard.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Chase failure.

There is one thing that separates the (extra)ordinary from the ordinary: failure.  Indeed, real success is predicated on failure.  That is, (extra)ordinary success is built on failure.  Of course, we can succeed by setting the bar low, but that is nothing but ordinary.

Failing means we have set the bar sufficiently high as to challenge ourselves beyond our current limits—beyond our “ordinary”.  Of course, we don’t want to fail in a big way.  We want to chase failure, but in a way that leads to progress.  We want to apply the “overload principle”—in order for a body system to adapt, it must be stressed to a level greater than that to which it has been accustomed.

There should not be a negative stigma attached to failure—unless, of course, it is associated with a lack of effort.  We grow stronger and better by failing—by trying beyond what we did yesterday.

We need to be comfortably uncomfortable.  In other words, we need to be comfortable with being challenged.  Otherwise, there is no growth.

We need to be comfortable with others failing.  Indeed, we need to encourage it—with our children, our students, our colleagues/employees, etc.

Success is the child of failure.  As we seek to grow and to be successful, there will, and must be, much failure along the way.  So, chase it.  Chase failure, and you will ultimately find success (only the fail again as you continue to grow).

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Concurrent training.

The science suggests that concurrent training—i.e., emphasizing multiple physiological stressors in exercise training may be less than optimal, but there is nothing to suggest that it is impossible or counterproductive (when managed properly).  There are numerous reasons why one might need or want to train concurrent systems or fitness components.  Overall, though, one must expect less than maximal gains and pursue the optimal benefits with consideration of the imposed constraints.  In other words, opportunity costs, so choose wisely.

We are all limited by time.  Some more so than others.  So, we begin by defining the time we can reasonably contribute to our training goals.  Note: “reasonably”.  We might be overly optimistic, but we must be reasonable.  I, personally, would love to train two hours a day.  Life, however, often has different plans.

Once we have scheduled our workout time, then we can determine how we will most effectively use the time.   There are a few things then to consider:

Goals.  What do you want to accomplish?  Priority of goals will determine to which factors one give the greatest emphasis.  The more diverse the goals, the more challenging it will be to see significant gains.

Remember: opportunity costs.  Whatever training is applied to one goal will detract from potential effort toward another goal.  Prioritizing goals will help ensure that we do the things first that are of greatest importance.  Before doing anything, the question, “Why?”, must be asked.  If there is no good physiological justification, then one should reconsider the choice of activities.

Training order.  It follows that training order should be driven by the priority goals.  Always do the most important exercise component first.  For example, if the greater importance is placed on muscle strength, that should come before cardiorespiratory exercise.  Otherwise, the exerciser will be fatigued and not lift enough to adequately stimulate muscle growth.  Conversely, intense resistance training will negatively impact the ability to perform an effective endurance workout.

Training frequency.  There is no scientific basis to the idea of training “three times a week”.  Training frequency is dependent entirely upon recoverability (and time constraints).  I would argue that, for most, under-training is a great risk than over-training.  The key consideration in training frequency is whether one can adequately recover before the next exercise session.

Personally, I find training more frequently easier than trying to managing more in less frequent workouts.  It is, after all, easier to carve smaller, more frequent, blocks of time out of the week than it is to find large blocks of time.  A benefit of more frequent sessions is that, should a session be missed, less is lost and/or it is easier to find time to make up the missed session.  For example, my priority is strength.  Ideally, I lift in the morning when I have fewer excuses.  I schedule cardio for the afternoons.  If I should be delayed and miss an afternoon session, it is less of a big deal.  Following training order, if I split my sessions, e.g., two daily sessions, I schedule the priority exercise for the session that is least likely to be missed.

Sessions can be split in many ways.  One can alternate days, e.g., weights v. cardio, or sessions can be split within the day.  I prefer the within day split, often combined with an alternating day approach.  Thus, I am able to maximize my adaptability.  I might, for example, split morning weight training by body parts—spreading volume across the week—and afternoon cardio sessions by modality or training style (e.g., HIIT, bike/running, Bulgarian bag, HIIRT, etc.).  This allows for greater variety without sacrificing specificity.

Recovery.  The primary concerns with training frequency, then, are maximal recoverable volume and available time.  I’d recommend a minimum of 6 hours between training sessions and emphasizing diet and sleep to optimize recovery.  Remember, that the exercise is the stimulus.  The adaptations occur while we rest.  If the body is not getting enough rest—particularly a restful night’s sleep—and adequate fuel, it can’t adapt.  Train, eat, sleep, repeat!

Make the most of your exercise time.  Consider what is effective and dump the rest.  Train harder and smarter.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Too much negative I want to say.

Tuesday morning, driving to work on my 1-long commute, traffic (i.e., cars in the passing lanes that are not passing, thankfully, I travel in the opposite direction of traffic) and listening to the news created a tsunami of negative thoughts.  I had already woken late (my alarm was not set—thankfully, I have an internal alarm that doesn’t let me sleep beyond 6 AM) and to vomit in the dog crate (gross!—thankfully, it was in the crate).  I was tempted to sit down to write a few clever comments on Facebook.  Thankfully, I opted not to.

Yes, there are circumstances that I don’t like.  The path of life sucks, sometimes.  There are times that I want to say: “Stop the world.  I want to get off.”  In times like this, there are two choices: 1) express the negative thoughts and 2) express gratitude.  Notice that following each negative experience that was a cause for gratitude.  My commute could be far worse.  I am heading south rather than north (toward Portland).  I have a job to commute to.  I made it safely to work.  It wasn’t raining (which makes driving in Oregon worse).  I woke up.  I am sure someone died in his or her sleep last night.  The dog was fine.  The vomit was contained.  The list can go on, and the day is just starting.

I have the choice going forward.  I can take on the day with a positive attitude and gratitude (grattitude), or I can succumb to negativity.

I am sure I won’t make it through the day with perfect grattitude.  Hopefully, though, the overall progression will be in the positive direction.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!