In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household. I was moved by the movie in so many ways. I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children. To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.
I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.
First, I find this in no way sexist or patriarchal. My wife and I share in the responsibilities of the household equitably. Note, I say “equitably” not “equally”. We are partners in our relationship—each bringing our unique strengths to the household. In resolving to “take full responsibility”, I intend to take MY full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children. I take this responsibility very seriously. After all, “I am third.”
1. I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
Loving one’s wife (spouse) and children—as well as one’s self—should go without saying. In loving anyone, there is a commitment to protect, serve, and teach. There is after all no greater love than to lay down one’s life for another. To lay down one’s life is to protect, serve, and teach. It means to give one’s life both literally and figuratively.
As spiritual leader, I am committing to living as “I am third.” This is by no means easy, nor is it something I do anywhere near perfect. Nonetheless, it is how I strive to live. “Spiritual leader” can often be misconstrued to mean religious leader and patriarch. Spiritual leader, however, transcends religious belief and practice. I believe religious is our shallow attempt to know and to worship God. It provides only a glimpse—and often erroneous vision—of who and what God is. Spiritual well-centeredness pursues the deeper understanding of one’s place in the Universe. Thus, as spiritual leader in my home, I am charged with supporting the Purposes of my wife and children and serving them in their pursuit of Purpose and self-discovery. “To protect, serve, and teach” is to accept the role of servant.
2. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.
I have no doubt that I would physically lay down my life for my wife. I would sooner die than see her hurt. Jesus did more than just die for me (and you). He brought a message of faithfulness, love, and what it means to honor another. I committed to these things when I said “I do”. It is a commitment that I don’t take lightly. I not only owe it to my wife to demonstrate my faithfulness on a daily basis; I owe it to my son and daughter. I am the role model of faithfulness to my children. How I treat my wife will affect how my son will treat women. How I treat my wife will impact my daughter’s expectations of how she will be treated. Likewise, I demonstrate my faithfulness to my wife in how I treat other women.
For some, this statement may have echoes of a male-dominant society. Again, I see this as a statement of equity. My wife and I are not equals. This is not to suggest that I am greater. I resolve in laying down my life for my wife to use my strengths to serve her—to be my best today and be better tomorrow. She would likewise do the same for me. I am physically stronger (presently) than she. This may not always (God forbid) be the case. For now, though, I have the role of physical protector of my wife and children. I will never hide when my wife and or children are threatened.