I made the comment this morning that “as I sent Liam off to school today I saw the last remnants of my little boy and the beginning emergence of a man. He is growing up. I am thankful for the coaches, teachers, and friends in his life that are shaping him into the man he will become.” A friend responded: “And his parents!”
Of course, I am thankful for his mother. She is a wonderful mother to our two children. As for the father…? My immediate cynical, self-deprecating, somewhat tongue-in-cheek response was “I am thankful that he is becoming who he is in spite of his father.” True, I have a habit of deflecting compliments, but, in this case, I feel there to be a bit more truth to the statement than otherwise.
Our children see us at our worst. They don’t see the façade that we put on for others. Not that the façade is necessarily someone other than who we are, but our children see our flaws and our deeper selves revealed. Nevertheless, we do our best as parents. For better or for worse, our children become who they become, in part, because of who we are. In most cases, I think it is true that our kids turn out pretty well in spite of our shortcomings. We do our best and our children know it (though, sometimes, it takes many years to realize it).
There is a famous quote by Swedish physiologist, Per-Olaf Åstrand: “If you want to be an elite athlete, choose your parents wisely.” It would be an interesting thing to consider, if, in fact, we did choose our parents. We can’t be too hard on ourselves as parents. Whatever the circumstances, our children are shaped by their environment. We may regret our actions at times, but, just maybe, they are for a purpose greater than ourselves. Ultimately, we are responsible for how we respond to our circumstances. When our children turn out pretty good, well, the credit is theirs.
So, I do my best in my relationships with my family and friends. I try to live my values of faith, family, friends, growth, health, and impacting others, and hope that this stands out to my wife and children—in spite of my flaws.
I believe I chose my parents well. I trust that they believe I turned out pretty well in spite of them (really, because of them). I wouldn’t change a moment in my life for fear of disrupting the present. And I am truly thankful for the coaches, teachers, and friends who have such a profound influence upon my children (and who likewise influenced me).
As a parent, teacher, coach, and neighbor…be your best today; be better tomorrow.