I have on numerous occasions been asked a question like: “If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?” Another question I have heard is: “If you could give advice to your 20-year-old self, what would it be?” Great questions in theory, but what are the implications?
Our history includes a series of decisions—good or bad—that have ultimately brought us to where we are today. What happens to our path when we make even the slightest change?
I have made a lot of regrettable choices in my life. Maybe for some a Mulligan would be tempting, but there are no do-overs in life. We had our chance. We may have hurt people. People may have hurt us. We have made “bad” decisions. We might be better off had we…. We think the grass might be greener, if only…. But, think about this. Take just one decision you regret and consider the result. Consider the trajectory this set you on.
Remember Garth Brooks’ hit song: Unanswered Prayers? The subject of the song goes back to a football game and sees and old girlfriend. He recalls the old times and soon realizes that time has changed him (and her, too). He looks at his wife and realized that she is the blessing in his life. (I love this song!) Don’t we all have some of these “unanswered prayers.” I am sure I have more than I can recall.
You can’t have a growth mindset and harbor regrets. Regrets are living in the past. Regrets impede growth. If we are looking back, we can’t be going forward. The past serves to teach us the lessons for the present. A growth mindset is focused on moving forward. With a growth mindset, we recognize that the mistakes of the past are teachable moments and experiences that have brought us to were we are right now. We are the cumulative effects of out history—good or bad.
If your history has brought to a place you don’t like, looking back won’t change the present, but your actions in the present can change the future. Chances are that even if your circumstances are disappointing, there are likely some really good things in your life. Then, again, maybe you feel there aren’t. Either way, your past made you who you are. The past has given you your present and your future. Carpe momento.
Correct the poor decision you might make now and don’t live in yesterday. Let this be the advice you give yourself. Let this be what you change.