If you don’t like your current circumstances, you have three choices: 1) leave, 2) change, or 3) accept. It has taken me a while to realize this, but accepting is most often the best option. This may sound weak and defeated, but hear me out.
Eight years ago, we moved half way across the country with a 5-month-old and an 11-year-old to a new state and new jobs. We felt, at the time, a sense of calling to this new life. It wasn’t all that long before I started to feel a sense of deep frustration. The job wasn’t all that I hoped it would be and, well, the west coast is a bit different than the east coast and Midwest. We had left friends and family behind, and I began to think opportunity, as well. In such circumstances, it is easy to fall into a negative spiral. Fortunately, with the help of friends and the positive leadership of a mastermind group and mentors, I was able to regain my footing and consider why I found myself where I am.
For the longest time “leave” was my desired option. The question was, however, “to where?” My options were rather limited, which fueled my frustration and the negative pull in my life.
“Change” remains an option, but change cannot occur without “acceptance”. To facilitate change, one must accept that one is where one is supposed to be and that one’s purpose is to be an agent for change. Otherwise, any effort to change one’s circumstances—especially when the resistance is great—becomes a battle which brings its own negative forces.
Acceptance requires a sense of Spiritual well-centeredness. Acceptance requires that one recognize that he or she is not the only one affected by finding one’s self where one is. Unless completely unattached from anyone (in which case, “leave” may very well be an option), there are certainly other reasons for being where you are.
As I considered the “opportunities” that present themselves to me where I am, right now, it did not take long for me to realize that the “opportunities” are not for me and only me. I have a wife and two children. I have students. I have neighbors and friends. I have colleagues and a university. I have more than myself who are impacted by my being exactly where I am at exactly this time. When we can swallow our egos and recognize that we are not the center of the Universe, we can begin to see that maybe, just maybe, we are were we are for someone else’s benefit.
I began to realize this. I began to see that maybe the Universe didn’t give a crap about me. Maybe I am in the circumstances so that my wife, son, and/or daughter might have the experiences and relationships that they required. It was humbling. But, the more I considered my “opportunities”, the more it became apparent that the friends, teachers, and coaches with whom my children were interacting were having a profound affect on shaping who they are becoming. It isn’t all about my present and future. It is about the lives that touch us—dare I say must touch us—and the lives we touch. The more I considered this, the more it came back to me being where I am supposed to be.
Accepting where we are is freeing. It frees us of frustration and regret. We need no longer look backward and ask: “What if?” We need only ask: “What now?” There is no longer a desire to change the past. There is no longer a desire to change the future. There is only acceptance that we are doing what we need to be doing right now. If we are striving to be a positive impact on others and doing our very best, we can ask nothing more of ourselves.
In accepting where I am, I have found I am more positive. I approach the day with greater enthusiasm. I am more appreciative of others. I am more supportive. I have greater gratitude. Moreover, I find that I am in a better position to change my circumstances. I have no desire to leave. Rather, I am excited for what is to come.
If you are dissatisfied with where you are. Accept your circumstances and consider the “opportunities” that are presenting themselves. Seize hold of the opportunities and go forward willingly.
Carpe momento!!