I am striving to be more other-centered. In pondering this, it is becoming clear that we can have three approaches to living relationally. We can be self-centered—as we most often are—and consider only what we receive relationally. We can simply cave to desires of others—as we see in many dysfunctional relationships—and let others take (believing ourselves to be “giving”). Or we can interact with others in a third way. We can take a truly relational approach and understand that we are all interconnected on a deeply Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, and Emotional basis. This is what I would call “Social well-centeredness”. This approach seeks to neither give only or take only. Instead, it seeks to simply be in the presence of others. It is transformational rather than transactional.
Other-centered is not other-focused. It understands that the principle of “six-degrees of separation” is really more a principle of infinite interconnectedness. Other-centered considers that everyone has a Purpose and that our experiences and relationships work together for the common good.
I find when I get angry (as I often do) that it is not about what the other person did or did not do. It is more about how their action or inaction directly affected me. In other words, I tend to perceive others to be the a**hole when it is instead me who needs the grattitude check.
I am trying to allow space for the soul to speak—a sort of Quaker approach to interacting with others that I learned from reading Parker J. Palmer. Those who know me best know that I have far from mastered this practice. I am trying, though.
It is easy to want to impose our will. (Just as easy as it is to let others impose their will upon us.) Where real communication occurs, we are stepping back and letting our souls communicate. But to do this, we have to truly listen. Not only to others, but also to our own hearts. We have to know our own needs as much as we need to know the needs of others.
It takes effort. It takes an attitude of gratitude. It takes trust in one’s personal path.
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!