“If you have a family mission statement that clarifies what your purpose is, then you use that as the criterion by which you make the decisions.”—Stephen R. Covey
I have written some about personal mission statements, which is something I would encourage all to consider. This is an especially good time to do so, as many consider resolutions for the new year. I would also encourage families and couples to write a collective mission statement, as well.
I led my wife to write her personal mission statement, and I have to credit her for turning the table on me and suggesting that we consider a family mission statement, as well. This is something that Stephen R. Covey suggested in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, and I couldn’t agree with her more. So, we are working on ours.
I would strongly suggest that young couples consider a common mission statement as an exercise in premarital counseling. If not before marriage and children, as soon as possible. Perhaps one of the best things that we can do to safeguard our relationships is to make sure that we are functioning on a foundation of shared values and mission. Our biggest decisions should be made on such a foundation, and these can be a source of great stress on any relationship. Decisions are easier when there is a unified sense of purpose and intent. Having a common mission also allows for more independent decision-making (when decisions are made from an understanding of the common mission).
A personal or family mission statement need not be a static document. It can evolve over time as certainly families and relationships will over time. Indeed, it is probably a document that should be revisited on a regular (say, annual?) basis. It is also something the should include input from the entire family. One will, after all, want buy-in from all members of the family.
It would be my suggestion to begin with a discussion of values. Once the question of “what do we value as a family?” has been resolved, a mission statement can be shaped from this skeleton.
In order to be a “well-centered” family, values should be focused on the Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social dimensions. In addition, as a family, there must be consideration of professional and financial goals.
If individual family members have already developed a personal mission statement, it will be important that there be congruency among the statements. If, for example, a couple have dissimilar personal missions, it will be challenging to come to a common family mission. Likewise, one cannot claim to support a family mission yet maintain a very different personal mission.
A family mission statement can go a long way toward resolving family conflict and providing a platform of mutual understanding. If, for example, a parent is working long hours to provide for the family and to save for the children’s college education, the children might be more understanding when certain important activities have to be missed. If, on the other hand, the parent is working long hours only to have expensive things or for status, it may be a bit more difficult for the children to understand the parent’s absence. When there is a common mission or purpose, each member of the family can better understand his or her role in the family and act to fulfill the common mission. A child can understand why they have chores or why they can’t have or do certain things. A spouse will be more supportive of the other knowing that each has needs and a role in the functioning of the family. All decisions made as a group or individually will be accepted (or should be) when it is consistent with this mission.
The family mission statement must be a document that has full agreement among the family members. This is not something to be driven by one member. It needs to be a collective effort. Even the youngest of children can contribute.
Give this a try. The first effort may not (most likely will not) be perfect, but time will tell. As the mission statement is revisited, edits can be made. Nonetheless, what is decided upon should drive the family efforts. As challenges come up, consider these opportunities to revisit family values and mission. Families, like individuals, should strive to be their best today, and be better tomorrow.
“Where there is no vision, there is no hope.”—George Washington Carver