“To become an Olympic champion, you must choose your parents carefully.”—Per Olaf Åstrand
Dr. Åstrand’s statement rings true for Olympians, as well as any successful endeavor. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success presents a similar argument. When, where, and to whom one is born clearly affects the opportunities that might facilitate one’s success in life. So, then, are we to blame our parents for our lack of achievement? To do so would serve only to trap one in life of continued failure and mediocrity. Conversely, what if we really did choose our parents? What is we were placed in the circumstances of our birth for a Purpose? What if it is our task in life to find and achieve that Purpose? What if we were to stop playing the blame game and stop making excuses for our lack of success? What if we were to look for the opportunities created by the circumstances of our birth? I believe, if we were to consider this, we would have far less regret in life, have greater gratitude and satisfaction, and ultimately achieve the level of greatness we are meant to realize.
I have been presented numerous times with the question something to the effect of: “If you could go back in time and change one event in your life, what would you change?” For me, this is an easy question. The answer is an emphatic “nothing.” I would alter no event in my life no matter how painful or devastating it might have been. I have made countless blunders relationally. I have missed opportunities. I have blown opportunities. I have screwed up and messed up more than I wish to admit. Still, I would change nothing. Why? Because every event from the moment of my conception has led to who I am today and the very circumstances of my life that give me great joy. I had a business that failed. We lost a lot of money. I cost people money and affected people’s lives. There is nothing pleasant about failing at something so grand. It would be easy to say “If only I hadn’t signed the papers….” Yes, I could have spared my family financial and relational stress. Our retirement account could be quite a bit larger. But…. I reflect on the good that came out of the experience—the friendships, the personal growth, the experience that I can now share with my students, the few athletes who benefited from our brief time in business, etc. As Nietzsche famously wrote: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger” and “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
Science fiction tells us that to affect the time continuum would be devastating. I sense some truth to this. Our lives are interconnected in ways that we can never imagine. Even the slightest change in events may have a rippling effect. We can never know the affect that we have had on people several times removed from our actions. In addition, we can never be certain of the effect just one seemingly insignificant event early in our lives might have on our present circumstances. If I had chosen a different major in college or had taken a different series of jobs, I might never have met my wife, nor would I have the two incredible children with whom I have been blessed. Likewise, had my dad not moved to Virginia at the precise time he did, I might never have had the opportunity to meet my wife. (Pam lived just 5 minutes from my dad in Virginia and I was living in Michigan when our paths crossed through Match.com.) Anyone, if they took the time to examine their timeline would surely see that circumstances—good and bad—have led them to precisely where they are today.
So, if we find ourselves somewhere we don’t want to be, the solution is not to change the past, but to change the future. If we are lacking in the success department, first, consider how we are measuring success. Perhaps, we are looking for the type of success that is intended for our neighbor? Consider the skills and traits that your circumstances have given you and refine them—use them to further your (extra)ordinary greatness. No matter how bad you life has been to this point, seize the opportunity to alter your present course. Consider your Purpose and be your best today; be better tomorrow!