I have been reading Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point. A point he makes in the book is that small changes ultimately add up to big change. Too often, we put off change because we see too many obstacles. The reality is that, if we just start moving in the right direction, we will eventually find that we have passed the “tipping point” and have successfully changed—in dramatic ways.
I teach a course in exercise motivation and adherence. There are a lot of theories of behavioral change, but I find that these all come down to a few certainties. First, the desire to change has to come from within. Second, individual characteristics, the environment, and the task at hand, collectively, affect behavioral change. We refer to this as the “dynamics systems model”.
When it comes to changing behavior, we first have to realize that we are distinct individuals. There is no one like you or me. Even as twins or siblings, our experiences are unique causing us to have different personalities. Therefore, in any given circumstance, we are likely to respond differently than another.
I consider the idea of cloning. If science were able to make of genetic replica of you, would it be an exact duplicate? I say, “no”.
Consider what makes you “you”. If you are an identical twin, are you exactly like your genetic equivalent? Of course, as a twin, you share the same DNA, but is it the DNA alone that defines you? Of course, not. Unique events and experiences in your life are what define you. This is why, I believe that, even if an exact duplicate, your clone could not be exactly “you”.
Look closely at identical twins—without creeping them out. Can you tell them apart? Look closer. What is it that differentiates them? Maybe there is a scar or one ear that is slightly different. If one examines the twins very closely, one will begin to notice slight distinctions in personality and behavior. The differences may be barely perceptible, but they are there.
We are the accumulation of all that happens to us from the moment of conception—events that affected our mother during gestation (e.g., nutrition, stress, etc.), events that leave scars (both physical and emotional), social interactions, etc. So, if twins, who were born together and have the same DNA, are different, it is reasonable to think that your clone would, likewise, differ on so many levels.
We are unique. If we attempt to affect our behavior by acting like someone else, we are going to fail. Likewise, if we are trying to affect the behavior of another by asking them to behave like us, we are dooming them to fail. Change is individual.
In a well-centered approach to growth and change, we focus on the small changes that affect our behaviors incrementally, until these become habits. Taking a dynamic systems approach, we emphasize what we can change about 1) the self, 2) the environment, and 3) current behavior.
Often the first thing that needs to occur is that we need to recognize that we need to change. (In the Transtheoretical Model of Change, this is moving from the precontempation to the contemplation stage.) As we move ever closer to being “well-centered” spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially, we will be driven to make changes—it is inevitable, if one is of a growth mindset. We won’t change over-night, though—no matter how well-intended we are. Growth is a process.
I wrote recently about the “environment of excellence”. We have to be intentional about creating the environment that is most conducive to the behaviors we desire. Thus, we establish the patterns that align with our values and aspirations. Our “environment of excellence” includes those with whom we choose to associate and the activities we choose to prioritize.
Lastly, we tend to respond in accordance with the task at hand. Some behaviors are just easier to adopt than others.
Lasting change requires small efforts in a lot of areas. Daily habits like journaling, reading, prayer/meditation, etc. affect our preparedness. Putting ourselves in the environment most conducive to change, surrounding ourselves with supportive people, and cutting ourselves off from the things and persons that impede our progress keep us focused and directed forward. Taking “baby steps” moves us ever closer to the “tipping point”. Change is not one giant leap, but an immeasurable number of steps toward one’s goal.
Carpe momento!