“Leadership starts with integrity. You have to be living your own life in the way you want your athletes to live before you can expect them to follow.”—Troy Steiner
I gain inspiration from the sport of wrestling. I wrestled three years of varsity at my Pittsburgh high school from 1978-1981. I wasn’t very good—mediocre, at best. Nevertheless, I loved the sport, and my passion has grown in recent years as my son participates and as I become more connected with people in the sport and reconnected with old teammates. I am especially excited for the growth in opportunities for women in the sport, as well.
I frequently share quotes and inspiring stories from wrestling on my social media as “Today’s life-lesson from the sport of wrestling”. I have determined to take a number of these and elaborate on what they mean to mean and on how wrestling has lessons for us all—in whatever capacity we wrestle(d) (especially for as we wrestle in life). As they say, “in wrestling, there are no loser, only winners and learners”. So it is in life.
I begin with the above quote from Troy Steiner, head coach of the Fresno State Bulldogs. Troy is someone I am proud to know personally and consider an inspiration and a friend. I know that his words are sincere, because I have seen them in action. (I might also note that this quote might equally be attributed to his twin brother, Terry, who is head coach for the USA Women and who has played a critical role in the growth of the sport for women.)
Troy’s quote is applicable to all positions of leadership. As an educator, I can certainly substitute “students” for “athletes”. Surely, I try to model what I am trying to teach my students. Likewise, I seek to “practice what I preach” to my own kids.
We cannot preach one thing to our athletes, students, children, employees, etc. and live a contrary lifestyle. It is a struggle and something we will never do perfectly, but, when we have integrity, those we are leading will see beyond our flaws.
As we cannot expect perfection in ourselves, we cannot expect perfection in those we lead. I prefer to write “those we lead” as opposed to “followers”, because leading with integrity is not about having followers. Every tyrant, dictator, and cult leader has had “followers”. It isn’t about leading those who are willing to follow you. It is about compelling people to follow your actions—and leading with actions worthy of following.
People of power can require people to follow, but this is not leadership. Leaders don’t seek power. Rather, leaders seek to empower.
I teach my children to “be there best today; be better tomorrow”. This is meaningless, however, if I don’t live my life in this way. Thus, as a parent, I must give my children the space and freedom to challenge me on my actions. I must exemplify the live I want them to live. I must take ownership of my mistakes and shortcomings and demonstrate by my efforts that I am trying to change.
As a professor of exercise science, I can’t teach one thing in the classroom and live another way outside of class. This means I must eat healthy, exercise, and live the “well-centered fitness” practices I teach. I cannot go through the motions of teaching. I must make the material exciting by being excited about the material. I must “leave it all in this room” as instructor, if I am to expect my students to show up and fully contribute to their learning.
As a husband and father, I must teach my son and daughter how to treat others but honoring my wife. I can only teach them to be respectful if I am respectful. My Emotional flaws come out when I drive. I take ownership of this with my kids and expect them to call me out on it. I must admit to my mistakes and show I am trying. We can only expect the best of others if we demonstrate our best. Our best will never be perfection, but we can always be better today than we were yesterday.
There is an element of the “golden rule”—do unto others as you would have done unto you—in Troy’s statement. Live “your own life in the way you want (others) to live before you can expect them to follow.” Changing others begins with changing the one in the mirror.
Carpe momento!