I have had a lot of friends go through a lot of “stuff” over the years. Many are going through stuff this very moment. There is no real clear answer why—why some have struggles, why some struggles have happy endings, why some end in tragedy and sorrow. Life can really suck. For some seemingly more so than for others.
A number of years ago, when Arthur Ashe was dying of AIDS, he was as asked if he ever asked himself “Why me?”. His response was:
“If I were to say, ‘God, why me?’ about the bad things, then I should have said, ‘God, why me?’ about the good things that happened in my life.”
This has stuck with me. I am one who has not really suffered in my life—certainly not by comparison with many of my friends and neighbors. I once got into a rather heated discussion about it with friends who insisted that one must “suffer to enter the Kingdom of God”. I don’t intend to pursue a theological discussion. While I am inclined at times to ponder “God, why not me?”, I really don’t wish to suffer (nor do I believe anyone does). For me the question of suffering is a relative one. I am sure that some might be able to define “suffering” in my life, but I have a much different take on suffering.
To suffer, according to Merriam-Webster, is to “to endure death, pain, or distress… to sustain loss or damage… to be subject to disability or handicap”. Obviously, there is a wide range to which we may “suffer”. I prefer to see suffering as more of a perception of one’s circumstance. I neither diminish nor magnify the suffering of another. It is theirs in which to reside.
When we question the suffering in the world, we have to look at the greater picture. I would argue that suffering contributes to our “well-centeredness”. I stated that I don’t intend to pursue a theological discussion, but bear with me a moment. I don’t view God as a vengeful god or a neglectful God. I see God as eternal—having no beginning or end. Thus, I don’t see God as controlling our lives, per se, as much as God is an all-knowing god who sees beyond what we are experiencing. God, I believe, has a very specific Purpose for each of us that is woven into the borderless tapestry of the Universe. Define God as you will—honestly, I believe God is beyond our human conception. I prefer to allow the definition of God as “love” and “I Am” to be sufficient. I prefer to see God as greater than my religious practice. I prefer to pursue an understanding of the relationship between the Spiritual and the Physical.
From a “well-centered” position, I view suffering from the inter-dimensional and inter-relational impact that is has on the Universe. Thus, I participate in the suffering of others—or at least I try. I try to bear whatever burden I can. I try to encourage where I am able. I look for the lesson and the personal effect of one’s suffering. Moreover, I am grateful for the sacrifice that the strong make for me in my weakness. I am grateful for others endure that I am unable. I am inspired. I am humbled. I am taught the value of life and relationship—of community.
I believe we must allow one who is suffering the space to reside in their suffering. We can never offer words that will make the pain go away. We cannot “fix” or “heal” them. We can do nothing but be present and bear what burden we can carry. We give space for the soul to express itself. We cannot explain suffering. We can only welcome what the suffering has to offer.
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!