LESSON 3–Why You Will Face Trials and Difficulties in Your Life
“The tests of life are to make, not break us. Trouble may demolish a man’s business but build up his character. The blow at the outward man may be the greatest blessing to the inner man. If God, then, puts or permits anything hard in our lives, be sure that the real peril, the real trouble, is that we shall lose if we flinch or rebel.”–M. D. Babcock
I have given a great deal of thought to why we see so much suffering in the world. One can easily conclude that God is simply a vengeful, merciless god, who takes great pleasure in the suffering of man, or that God simply does not exist, and suffering is just a part of life. I can accept neither conclusion. I accept that there is a Creator god, who has brought all things into being for a Purpose. I find it difficult to accept that we just happened. As a professor of anatomy and physiology (of exercise physiology), I marvel at the intricacies of the human organism and have concluded that the odds are better at winning the lottery than they are that you happened by chance. I am not arguing against the scientific evidence for evolution—creation and the evolutionary record are not mutually exclusive, but this is a separate topic for another time. I am simply professing my faith that there is undoubtedly a Creator, and our Creator allows difficulties and suffering to befall us for our benefit. God can remove all our suffering, but to what avail? No, it is a blessing when we are tried. Our weakness is revealed in our trials, and we grow stronger as a result—or it for the strengthening of others.
Know that you suffer for your good and the good of others. This does not, however, imply that you should take pleasure in another’s suffering or refuse to offer comfort when you are able. To the contrary, you should seek to ease the burden of those who are suffering. After all, it may be for your edification that this person may be suffering. It is through our own suffering that our strength of character is forged. It is through the suffering of others that our hearts are softened, and we learn compassion.
Even if we took God out of the picture, I would argue that there is much to be gained from the trials and difficulties in our lives. Nietzsche wrote “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” If we make a mistake, and it does not cause our death, we learn from it and (hopefully) do not repeat the mistake—although sometimes we are a little slow learning. If we can learn from the mistakes of others, how much better this is than repeating another’s folly. It does not take a faith in God to recognize that we are refined in the fiery furnace of affliction. Just as gold and silver are purified in the fire of the smith’s crucible, we are formed by the suffering that surrounds our lives.
Viktor Frankl wrote that “despair is suffering without meaning.” It is when we lack a sense of Purpose in our lives that our trials and difficulties afflict us. When we lack a definitive reason for living, pain bares no fruit. If we look for the meaning in the suffering around us, the world is filled with hope.
When I think of this, I can’t help but recall the death of my great-aunt Glady. Her husband, uncle Chuck, her brother—your great-grandfather Armstrong, and her sister-in-law—great-grandma Armstrong had passed, and she was alone except for her nieces and nephews. She was living alone in a nursing home and death was slow in coming. Eventually, she was hospitalized, and her passing was imminent. Unlike your great-grandma, whose sudden death a few months before surprised the family, Glady died a prolonged and painful death. Those of us who visited her in the hospital prayed her suffering would end. Each labored breath we hoped would be her last. However, each time we thought she had emptied her lungs for the last time, she would gasp and continue to battle the grip of death. For four weeks, she held on to life. We asked ourselves repeatedly how one could hold on in such apparent agony. Her month-long stay in the hospital, however, brought together your grandfather and his two sisters—Aunt Linda and Aunt Sherry—who had grown apart over the years. Physical and emotional separation was bridged by the prolonged death of a relative. Siblings, who had let petty differences and life’s cares separate them, were brought together as they had never been. As a witness to this miracle, I saw three lives (no, four—as I will never be the same either) changed forever by the suffering of another. The bond of siblings was renewed at the bedside of a beloved aunt. I am certain that the way my great-aunt died was with great purpose. It was indeed painful to watch her suffer as she did, but it was such a delight to watch my father and my two dear aunts come together. Had Glady died a sudden death, the three siblings would probably never have spent any significant time together and would have drifted farther apart. Instead, they are closer than ever.
I heard a heartwarming sermon by Dr. Tom Tewell at the 5th Avenue Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, NYC. He related the story of a jilted bride in Boston who, rather than lose a $6500 deposit for her wedding supper, paid the balance, and had a feast. She did not invite her intended wedding guests. Rather, she opened the doors to the area homeless. For one meal, the pain of all parties was eased. The $13,000 could not have been better spent.
I tend to not be such a compassionate person. (A trait, Liam, I hope I do not pass on to you.) I admit that I have great difficulty with complainers and excuse-makers. I tend to recall the Eagles tune, “Get Over It”, from their Hell Freezes Over CD. When I see people in desperate situations or suffering from conditions that are no fault of their own, however, I am deeply moved. I am thankful that I am so blessed. I have not suffered in my life. While I have had my ups and downs and have felt pain (both emotional and physical), I cannot recall any event in my life that I would label as “suffering”. Some have said that I am in denial—perhaps. But I am not convinced that suffering is a part of life. I, rather, believe that it is a state of mind. When faced with difficult circumstances, you have two choices. You can cry “Oh, woe is me!” or you can count it a blessing—”That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” It does not surprise me that the apostle Paul wrote that you should “consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2, NIV). The circumstances in your life mold your character. You are a product of all the joy and all the heartache in your lives. Every event prepares you to fulfill your Purpose. So, when you are tried, face the trial joyfully. Look for the lesson to be learned. Remember that the storm will pass.
I wish I could tell you that life will always be easy, but it won’t. You will be teased and picked on. You will be laughed at. You will be doubted. You will be hurt both emotionally and physically. You will be let down by the ones you love and who love you—including me. Your road will at times be rocky, and the journey will be long. But, be encouraged. Keep your faith alive and trust in God and yourself. You will get through whatever the difficulty is. When you do—when the sun rises the morning after—you will be a better person for it. Orison Swett Marden wrote: “To live without trial is to die but half a man” (He Can Who Thinks He Can, p. 153).
Do not bring suffering upon yourself. Do not bring it upon others. Do not take pleasure in the suffering of others. Rather, offer support to even your worst enemy. For it is written: “if your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you” (Proverbs 25:21-22, NIV). If you have ever done anything mean to another person and had them return your unkindness with kindness, you know that this proverb is saying. In so doing, you rob the individual of any twisted satisfaction that they get from doing evil. And you walk away feeling good.
I used to teach with a friend named Charlie. We used to run together in the mornings before work. Charlie is the most positive and upbeat person I know. I have never heard him say a damaging word against anyone. I appreciate this in Charlie, but it sometimes drove me nuts!! I tend to vent my frustration. So, when we were running, I’d often complain about this person or that. Charlie’s response was always positive—”Maybe ‘so-and-so’ is just having a bad day.” or “Have you tried… (holding a mirror up that always revealed the attitude problems in me).” I never heard a harsh word from Charlie. It upset me, because deep down I knew that my negativism—no matter the circumstances provoking it—was wrong. I still (and probably always will) battle with this. In a later lesson, we’ll talk about loving your neighbor.
Have compassion for others. Ease a burden rather than be a burden. Offer comfort rather than reveling in the hardship of others. Never be ashamed to be emotional. In times of trial:
“Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary:
“‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirst, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap hot coals on his head.’
“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:9-21).
Above all, count your blessings. These will, if put on the balance of life, far outweigh the trials, hardships, and sorrows. At times, it might not seem so, but your days will be filled with more sunshine than clouds. And even when the clouds and darkness loom, look for the light. Find that glimmer of light—the joy that may seem lost. For, though you might be amid a storm, this too shall pass. Remember the wisdom of Mattie Stepanek who, in his very short life, taught us to “play after every storm.”
Carpe momento!!
© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022