LESSON 5–Dress for Success: Setting a Standard
Wrong or right, you will be judged by your appearance. Is this right? Of course not, but it is a fact of life. Don’t judge others by their appearance but realize that how you present yourself reflects your personality and character. Don’t leave room for others to misjudge you.
Always dress for success. Don’t buy into fashion trends and so-called “statements.” Be yourself and present the best you to others. A college roommate used to say that “anyone can be in fashion, but it takes an individual to be in style.” If you look around at your peers, you will see a lot of “individuals” dressing the same. Fashion trends change like the wind. Today, it seems as though dressing in rags is all the rage. Go into a clothing store, and you can pay a premium price for worn out clothes. Guys are dressing like they pulled their clothes out of a laundry hamper and ladies are wearing clothes that reveal more and more. Tomorrow, the pendulum may swing the other way.
Lead the way by developing your own style. Be an individual but understand that how you dress will reflect to others a perception of who and what you are. If the statement: “You have only one chance to make a first impression” is true, then you want to be careful of that first impression. What image are you trying to create with your dress?
Your dress should reveal to the world that you are confident, intelligent, hard-working, and disciplined. Whether going to school, work, church, or play, you should always present your best. People will treat you differently. Again, I am not giving you justification for treating one person better than another, but, rather, I am cautioning you of the ways of the world. Stereotypes and prejudices abound. Don’t give others cause to misjudge you.
Realize also that your attitude (or how others perceive your attitude) will be reflected in your dress, as well. Consider for a moment how one carries himself or herself when dressed in their finest clothes versus their old “work in the yard” clothes. When dressed up, we are naturally more poised and refined. We talk differently. We interact with others differently—and others interact differently with us. Case in point: When I first moved to New York to work in a corporate fitness center, I noticed that when I wore a tie to work (I was not required to) people on the subway seemed to treat me with greater respect and courtesy than if I were dressed in jeans. I noticed also that I caught the eyes of the founders of the company when they came for a visit, as well. Even now, I choose to teach in a shirt and tie, because the students are more attentive and participate more than if I dress more casually. Why are we becoming a more casual nation? I don’t know. I am not qualified to draw conclusions on how it is affecting us—I’ll leave this to the sociologists—, but I would wager to guess we are paying a price. As we see an informalization of our schools and workplaces, I am sure there is a resultant decline in productivity and effectiveness.
As a child, I didn’t always appreciate having to dress up for what seemed like every occasion. Somewhere along the line, though, this changed. Now I feel out of place in certain environments if I am underdressed. I remember one occasion when I visited your aunt Kathy, and, not having expected to go to church with them, felt ashamed to be presenting myself before God in kakis and a polo-style shirt. Today, that would be the higher end of dress in most churches. As a child, it was always my “Sunday best”. Today, “Sunday best” is often from the hamper-looking shorts and a T-shirt.
I know that the belief is that God wants us to come as we are—and he does. But “come as you are” refers to our spiritual state, not how we are dressed. Yes, God looks on the heart and not the outward appearance. When I went to that small West Virginia church with Aunt Kathy and her family, God didn’t care that I was dressed the way I was dressed. He cared whether I came to him with a humble spirit, prepared to worship. He cared whether I had a repentant heart and love for my neighbor. I could come to church dressed right from the cover of GQ and it would not impress God. So, if you go God in rags with a committed worshipful attitude, he will welcome you. Reality is that he would welcome you even if your attitude was bad. I am also not saying that one’s dress is necessarily a true reflection of their attitude. We are cautioned, after all, not to show favoritism to the “man who comes into (our) meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes (James 2:2). God looks on the heart, shouldn’t we?
I keep referring to dress for church because it is more arguable than other situations and exemplifies that our appearance reflects our attitude. Yes, some might argue that I am being judgmental, but this is my point. People will judge you by your appearance. So, what does your dress say about you??
When your mother and I got married and moved to new community, we attended numerous congregations before settling on one fellowship with whom to worship. In visiting churches, I have noticed that there is an inverse relationship between formality and people’s behavior. In one particularly informal worship service, we noticed that people were routinely late to services, talkative during worship, and outright disrespectful—imagine, for example, not one but six people behind you opening cellophane-wrapped candies simultaneously. I know that churches are becoming increasingly informal to encourage people to attend, but, if you ask why people must be encouraged or why it must be easy for people to attend, then I think my point is made.
I know how one’s appearance in the classroom is perceived to the teacher, because I experience it every day of every term. When a student sits in the front row and looks attentive, then I perceive them to be a better student—that is, a more dedicated student—than the one slouched in the back row. I try to be unbiased and not let this affect my evaluation of the student, but reality is that I am probably going to be more favorable to the student who presents himself or herself more favorably. Fortunately, I try to get to know my students and judge them on their effort, not their appearance. I can’t say that all teachers (or employers/prospective employers) do the same. For example, I had a student in several of my exercise science classes to whom my first reaction was that this guy is a dumb muscle-head because he showed up the first day of class in a tight sleeveless shirt with tattoos and his ball cap on backwards. Reality: he was one of the brightest students I have ever had and proved himself time and again to be a hard worker. Fortunately, he knew when to dress for the occasion. I visited him on the job in his internship, and he looked downright professional in his tie and doctor’s lab coat. My bad—I misjudged him, initially. But the point is made—people do judge you by your appearance. Set the standard. Always present yourself your best for the situation at hand.
Keep yourself well-groomed and practice proper hygiene. Brush your teeth and use deodorant. Exercise and be fit. Wash and press your clothes. Wear your hair however you like but keep it neat. Sit and walk with good posture. Look at people when you talk to them. Use proper English (or whatever language you might need to speak). Enunciate and avoid slang (e.g., don’t call your professor “Dude”, it isn’t received very well). Be courteous. Be neat in your appearance and dress appropriate for the occasion.
When you buy clothes, buy quality—the best you can afford. You may at times in your life have to buy second-hand. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Better to buy quality used clothes than buy cheap clothes that wear out rapidly.
Buy practical clothes. Avoid the latest fashion. Classical styles stay in fashion longer.
Buy clothes that mix and match. Your wardrobe will be more versatile. Your mother will tease me that I get my clothes from GaranimalsÒ (the children’s clothing manufacturer that uses animal tags to help children learn to match their clothes), because just about everything matches. It is effective, though. I have had students comment that I never wear the same outfit or ask if a tie—that I have worn for years—is new.
Fashion has changed a bit over the years. The principle of “two plains and a fancy”, that your grandfather taught me, can now be violated to some extent, but overall, still rings true. I have found that a few carefully selected suits or chinos can go a long way, if you have a sizeable collection of ties. Women have practiced the art of accessorizing for generations. For a woman, a business suit and a blouse can be an infinite number of different outfits by wearing different scarves and jewelry. A young professional on a budget can buy a couple quality suits and white shirts and change the whole look with a different tie. Consider that just three suits, three shirts, and three ties give you twenty-seven possible combinations (3 x 3 x 3 = 27). Now, if you are a professional who wears a suit to work every day, you might consider a few more suits so that you are not running to the dry cleaners too often, and a few more shirts (particularly of varying color and style) might be warranted. But, if you are on a tight budget, consider spending your money on ties—colorful ties that catch the eye and can match with all (or nearly all) of your shirts and suits. Two more ties in the example above and you have forty-five possible combinations (3 x 3 x 5 = 45). Get the picture?
Growing up there was no “men’s work” and “women’s work”. Your grandmother, thankfully, taught me to cook, clean, do the dishes, and yes, even do my own laundry. I also took care of the dog, mowed the lawn, took out the trash, and did other chores around the house. Too many men (and women) are raised by mothers who do too much for them. They leave the nest unable to tend to the most basic chores as washing and folding clothes. Ironing? Forget about it! Mend a sock or sew on a button? Are you kidding? Yet, these are essential skills that everyone should have. Learn these and use them.
Keep your clothes clean and presentable. Learn to use an iron and press your shirts and keep nice creases in your pants. You will be much more impressive. I am quite pleased and thankful that my wife, your mother, can tell me that her friends are jealous when she tells them what I do around the house. Few men are willing to mow their own grass or do basic household repairs (Though, I admit I should not do plumbing! I’ve tried, but usually with disastrous results.), let alone do dishes and laundry. So, complain now when I ask you to do these things, but remember this when you see the joy and satisfaction in your wife’s eyes when you do these things for her!
The cover does identify the book. I will always tell you not to judge the book by its cover, but how you consciously present yourself will make an impression on others. Make that first impression a good one. Make an impact on people with your presence. Of course, the character on the inside will always show forth, but people may not always have the opportunity to see the “real you”. Make sure it shows from the start. We will talk later about your physical appearance, but keep yourself fit, clean, and dressed for success. You will be thankful that you did. I trust that you will be a man of integrity, but make sure that it is presented on the outside, as well. Set the standard not only in how you dress, but in your actions, as well.
Carpe momento!!
© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022