LESSON 7–Love Your Neighbor
To love your neighbor is no small order. You will meet all kinds of people in your life. Some you will admire and like. Some you will dislike. Some you will distain. To others you may be ambivalent. Whatever your feelings about the person, love your neighbor!
To love your neighbor does not mean that you must necessarily like them. There are numerous people I do not like and for whom I have little tolerance. I, nevertheless, must love them. I must consider their well-being as well as my own. This is all part of being a good citizen and a spiritual person. Despite your personal feelings and the actions of others, love your neighbor.
We are fast becoming a selfish, inconsiderate society. It is “me first and damn the rest.” Do not let this become your nature! I keep an autographed copy of Gale Sayers autobiography, I am Third—the great Bears running back whose relationship with Brian Piccolo inspired the movie Brian’s Song. The title of the book comes from a quote that Gale Sayers got from his track coach at Kansas State University: “My God is first, my family are second, and I am third.” This statement has been a model of life for me since my early teens. It epitomizes the standards by which I want you to live. God is always first. The priorities of family and friends come second. Personal wants and desires come last. This statement does not go on to say, “everyone else is last” or “to hell with the rest.” I believe the implication is that everyone falls ahead of self. Even your enemies are to be treated like friends. “I am third” implies that you are to live your life selflessly and to the betterment of others. Now this does not mean at all that you are to suffer hardship or ill-health for others. You must care for yourself to the extent that you are able, then, to help others. Here there is a fine line between putting others or yourself first.
There is no greater love than for one to lay down his life for another. One may lay down his life by physically dying to save another. One may lay down his life by living his life in service for others. One may lay down his life by sacrificing his dreams for another. There may be a time when you must risk your life for the sake of another. Do not be afraid to take this risk. Do not, however, act foolishly in some perceived act of valor. Act reasonably and responsibly, but never cherish your life above that of anyone. There is no greater act of love than dedicating your life in the service of others. And, when you grow older and acquire more responsibilities, expect that there will be times when you will have to lay aside your wants for the needs of others. Never consider such a thing an act of weakness. Consider, rather, the great strength and love it takes to set aside your wants to satisfy another.
In college, I was asked to write a paper on the “Tragedy of the Commons” written by Garrett Hardin in 1968. In a nutshell, the commons referred to man’s ability to freely use limited resources and return wastes to the earth. Obviously, because it still affects me over 20 years later, the assignment had a profound effect on me. I hope I can pass the effect on to you. Your relationship with your neighbor is reflected in the commons. The commons is a pasture to be used by all. Herdsman raising cattle and sheep can keep as many as possible without depleting its capacity to feed all the livestock. Rationally, the herdsmen will seek to maximize their gain. Ultimately, the herdsman asks himself, “What would be the harm in adding one more animal to my herd?” Of course, one animal may not necessarily over burden the pasture. But when every herdsman takes the same approach, the pasture rapidly becomes overgrazed. Originally, Garrett Hardin’s article was confronting overpopulation, but it has implications in so many aspects of society.
Treat all decisions from the perspective of the commons. Ask yourself: “How will my action affect my neighbor.” If you throw your candy wrapper on the ground, this of and by itself will not overburden the environment. But consider the effect of every one of the 7 billion plus people inhabiting the earth littering the ground with a candy wrapper. It becomes easy to see that every action, whether positive or negative, even if small, can influence others. Your conscious choice to conserve, recycle, or save can have an effect. Make even the smallest effort to preserve your environment and you will contribute to the efforts to preserve the world for future generations. The power of one is a tremendous thing. Multiplied many-fold it is awesome.
Make a choice, today, to help someone in need. Make a choice to conserve one drop of water or fuel. Recycle even one item. Buy one product that doesn’t contain petroleum products. Insist that companies don’t waste in their production or packaging. Make choices that preserve the commons. It is well that you make decisions on to over burden the commons, but also make a conscious effort to give back to the commons. Plant a tree. Teach. Volunteer. Offer a kind word. Stand in defiance against hatred, prejudice, and injustice. Love your neighbor as yourself!
The smallest act of kindness can have a profound effect. The concept of the movie Pay It Forward is awesome. You do something nice for three people with the expectation that, rather than pay you back; they do something nice for three more people. Before long, there is an explosion of selfless behavior. You should never expect anything in return for your acts of generosity. Always do what is best for the commons.
Loving your neighbor means many things. It means doing them no harm. It means offering your assistance when you are able. It means giving the gift of your time and resources. It means listening when you want to talk; giving when you want to take. It means yielding to the will of others. It means not judging. It means tolerance. It means patience. It means being kind when you don’t want to be. It means sacrifice. It means forgiveness. Loving your neighbor means acting is such a way as to mutually benefit all people.
Your neighbor is not just the person next door. It is the person across town. It is the person on the other side of the country—on the other side of the world. Your neighbor is male and female. Your neighbor is of all faiths. Your neighbor is of all colors, cultures, and lifestyles. Your neighbor is your friend. Your neighbor is your enemy. Love your neighbor!
How do you love your enemy? It is challenging. It does not mean that you must like them. It does not mean that you are weak and let them take advantage. Show them kindness and you will pour hot coals on their head. I wish I could say that I do this well—hardly. In fact, it is one of my greatest faults. I am not always quick to let go of anger. Don’t let me pass this on to you. Carry no grudge. Be quick to forgive. Return malice with compassion. Seek, as Stephen Covey wrote in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, first to understand. Attempt to know from where your enemy is coming—what is their perspective—before you attempt to force your ideas upon them. Seek them no harm. Be merciful. Be patient. Be civil. Take the moral high road. Remember that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (I Cor. 13:4-7, NIV). Do these things. Show love in these ways, yes, even to those whom you do not like.
Do not judge people. Treat everyone the same. Throughout life, you will be exposed to people of all colors, ethnicities, religions, viewpoints, and lifestyles. Never believe yourself superior. Never believe someone inferior. We all have the same Creator. Each has his or her unique Purpose. There is none greater than another. We all have strengths. We all have weaknesses.
Celebrate diversity. Know that diversity is not just in color and gender, but in all the qualities that make us unique and special. Welcome all people into your life. Study them. Learn about other cultures. Learn about other religions. When their viewpoints differ from your own, do not think them wrong. Be strong in your convictions but be tolerant of the other’s convictions. Do not support or condone sin, but do not hate the sinner. Remember that as you judge others, so too shall you be judged.
If you are going to stand firm in your beliefs, be without hypocrisy. Judge only yourself. Be sure that your actions are right with God and leave the judgment of others to him. Set the example. Set the standard. Be a leader. Be a man of integrity and conviction. Do nothing that will tarnish your reputation. Rather, do nothing that will harm your relationship with God. And as God is love, so then should you love your neighbor!
Be a friend to all. It is best that you have no enemies—that you be liked by all. But understand that you do not have to sacrifice your integrity to be liked. Be honest and upright. Speak your mind, but never with malicious intent. Speak ill of no one. Avoid gossip. Avoid strife. If you argue with someone, be sure that your words do not become personal. You may certainly disagree with someone’s ideas, but challenge the idea, not the person. Never let disagreements get in the way of your relationships. To the extent that you are able, see the others’ point of view. Make your point of view clear. In the end, it is better to agree to disagree than to lose a friendship. Love your neighbor!
Carpe momento!!
© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022