“You learn nothing from your successes except to think too much of yourself. It is from failure that all growth comes, provided you can recognize it, admit it, learn from it, rise about it, and then try again.”—Dee Hock
Kaizen is the Japanese word for continuous improvement. It is a theme that is central to “well-centered fitness”.
It is pretty much a daily thing for me to tell my children to fail. I want them to take (intelligent) risks—to try new things.
My son is a three-sport athlete. Whether it is football, wrestling, or lacrosse, I ask him to recite our mantra: “be your best today; be better tomorrow”. I encourage him to not be afraid to make mistakes. Thankfully, he has outstanding coaches who teach the athletes and help them see beyond their errors.
In sports and in life, we need to be encouraged to make mistakes—particularly in practice. When an athlete takes risks in practice—plays to his or her weaknesses—the athlete prepares to perform at the highest level in competition (the athlete doesn’t have to over-think in competition and reactions are natural—and, more often than not, correct).
Vince Lombardi famously said: “Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect.” This is true to a point, but it ignores that perfection is elusive. It is important to note that Coach Lombardi also said that “perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” In other words, we challenge ourselves to get better at every execution—we push toward perfection with every effort.
We are not growing if we are not failing. We are not failing if we are not challenging ourselves. We are not challenging ourselves if we are not taking risks.
I have a recent discussion with a colleague about the culture in academia surrounding “failure”. To her, the fear of failure among students is the result of “shaming”—that students will do anything to avoid the appearance of failing. From my perspective it is more a result of young people being sheltered from failure. We disagree on this, but there is agreement that young people need to “learn to risk more, try more, and develop skills and tools necessary for coping with and learning from those failures.”
We do our society a disservice when we discourage failure (whether through shame or sheltering). The result is both an unwillingness to extend one’s comfort zone and risk failing and a complete collapse of confidence when one does fail.
I am not a fan of “everyone gets a trophy”. Additionally, I am not a fan of so-called “helicopter parents” who shield there children from any disappointment. In both cases, the young person gains a false sense of success.
I might get the “worst parent of the year” award for this, but, early in my son’s wrestling, I responded to his telling me that so-and-so “said I suck” by telling him “Well, you do suck.” I followed this with telling him that he is not applying himself and that he will get better only if he tries hard and does his best in practice. He understood, of course, that I didn’t really think he “sucked”. He knew that the message was that, if you want to be good at anything, you must work hard at improving.
Surely, a better parent might have approached this differently, but at the time I felt it was the message that would best resonate with him. In the time since, I have watched him deal more or less effectively with disappointment—all the time growing in self-discipline and character. In expecting my children to fail, I expect them to learn the consequences of their actions. In time, their choices will be increasingly successful, and they will be willing to challenge themselves and seek kaizen.
Stephen M. R. Covey, in The Speed of Trust, suggests two strategies for maximizing efforts to get better: “seek feedback, and learn from mistakes”. These strategies apply to us in our roles as performers, as well as in our roles as educators, coaches, managers, and parents. We need to encourage ourselves and others to take intelligent risks—to push the envelope—and let ourselves fail. As Dee Hock, founder and former CEO of Visa credit card association, so aptly stated, we have to “recognize it, admit it, learn from it, rise about it, and then try again.”
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.